Galleri Kobaltowa Wrona

I mean… was I expecting this…

Huge, empty…

In fact amazing place with lots of stones.

Standing stones. Burials and… the whispers.

And legends still feeling so alive.

Some info…

For those in need.

And the rest was only me and stones… me and amazing nature.

Me and the past.

It is almost a primal meadow… all the healing vibes!

Perfection.

In the shape of the boat…

Did you notice… it was a month of mental health or maybe just a day, I somehow always expect gifts on such days. I gathered or was born with so many of switches in my brain that, I have decided to accept it but…

… it does not mean I am healed, normal or working on…

It means, I am trying to survive.

For now.

Because this life is now, it happens now and if you wanna live it is now. But also, life does not mean you got to climb highest mountain, drink tones of beer or eat duck in every place of the world… where the heck I got those ideas from? No idea. LOL But… There is one thing I wanted to point out… I have noticed celebrities influencers talking about mental health or periods, pain and illnesses but… there is so many of them and all of the sudden they all get it, what with period is bit regular for a healthy body LOL sooo… yeah, listening about can make it sound…

Itchy.

Boring.

Me not interested, me does not believe it. Is it a promotion? Were they payed for it? This is what people ask. This is what people hear. Because all of those messages which so often are the same, the same phrases, moments sometimes even sceneries… it makes so called healthy people again not believing in depression on anxiety. What I hear often: go out – I am scared of people, I freeze often outside. I can go out alone only few times a year, recently even less… I was out alone, WOW few days ago… 4 hours of photos and walking. Yes, I was medicated, still it was scary. Sooo do influencers, talking about depression, mental health, period being a normal thing is useful?

Yes.

But maybe from time to time it should be done differently.

How it started with me?

Well… I was born this way, remember being unique chapter? Well, this is me. Depression and anxiety were always with me, around me, in me. Yes, there were bits of life which watered it. Put manure into my fears. People touching little girl. Too many hands. Too much touching. Then all those people asking me why I do not go out, I should, I am a teenager and I only read… there was even a boy who said: “I do not know what to do with her, she only reads books.”.

Yes, books…

… my life, many lives. Then University, oh it helped and not. Then ending it, work and I felt falling apart… loosing marbles, puzzles, pieces. Then my PhD, I was so proud of myself, maybe I was pro in throwing up – oh yes, I did not mention I have also an eating disorders, well, I do – but also I had my thesis, still do. I will finish it, one day. I am not in a hurry, not anymore, but then… yeah, someone said a woman should not, symbolism is stupid – 20 years ago in Poland… it was like now in Poland. They do suck when it comes to science and religion. Never able to put boundaries. But… I collapsed. I had something like a mental breakdown. I was still working but only on line… and I have decided to look for help. To be honest psychologists and psychiatrists were in my life since my birth so it was nothing new. I got meds, I thought I got better but it was a lie.

I woke up after a year figuring out that I did not get out from our tiny apartment.

Then I woke up looking into a whole emptiness and deciding… do you wanna throw up all your life or are we doing something with it? I have decided to do something with it. And we moved. Of course I am making it sound soooo easy… we had to sell our home, paid off the bank, pack, move, then move to another country on a tiny island… and start again. And I was a mess. There was that bit which finally made me be clear with myself, being over 30… that I am who I am.

Now also autistic.

Lovely, what else will I get?

Collector…

Yes, I am trying to laugh because I cried, too much and I will cry, I know it, this year was a madness but now, years later at least I have roof over my head, no job and write it publicly… Sad fucking me. Oh well. Science and art do not mix or more like mix lovely but not bring money on my account.

Dear New Moon I want 3000000 DKK on my account, I am not very pushy… this can be enough… LOL

See, the problem with being a witch is… magic does not equal money. This is how I was taught. You do stuff and people are happy, you sometimes got gifts. But it is not a must. Sooo… now here I am. Adult, LOL, with bears, stuffed, moose poop on my table… yeah, that trip to Sweden got me a small kick, maybe I will survive till next trip. Maybe… depression, anxiety, autism, bulimic with anorectic episodes… I am loving myself. I am awesome and funky!

And I am afraid of the postman.

Well, everyone has problems, right?

And yes, I have a Familiar working on me. Embarrassing in these modern years. Yup… I am sorry I am still alive – this is what I often rethink.

Sooo… whatever you feel, go to a doctor, they can help you, give candies… but the biggest work you have to do with yourself. If it is so deep and far, well, accept it. Then look for ways of feeling better. At least taking pain away. At least… do not listen that partying can help, that walks will solve everything, though they do help me.

A bit.

If there is none around.

Because people are the biggest trigger for me.

Everyone has their own triggers. I also do not deal well with summer, sun, light, sounds… etc. You know, regular stuff, also modern technology. Yes, no phone, no TV. I have no idea what is popular on Netflix though I do listen to the music or sometimes listen movies… yeah, more listen than watch. Still, books are life for me but sometimes… also they can be a trigger. I may not be able to touch them…

Sooo…

Mental health?

You are your best and worse doctor.

You will know something is wrong and you have to make that step to feel better. Sometimes you will not be healed, sometimes yes, it will go away. But still, the biggest work is you accepting that this is you. A cute weird bit of you. Maybe this bit makes you an artist, maybe a scientist, maybe just a cuddle being…

… maybe…

Breath.

PS. One of the moments which pushed me into more like getting together project was a moment when I figured out… I can not longer read. It was so weird. Also, when pills from psychiatrist which was just experimenting on me because, come on, a woman plus depression = hysteria, still… nothing has changed… Sooo now I am only on a small mix. Which makes me a ticking bomb.

Boom…

Next time? My tricks for anxiety!

But most amazing, cute and all that stuff…

Are those houses.

Touching themselves, hugging almost.

Sometimes wanting to be even closer, sharing the same roof, fence, garden…

Liking being together…

But from time to time one prefers to stand out.

To be.

Being almost one, to be honest, every one of them is unique.

Very unique.

And walking here is amazing…

You see the sea, and you do not, you smell it but can not hear it…

Sometimes all you hear is the sea.

This is next after my Old wive’s tales chapter, kind of posts?

Erm… how to call it?

I just usually write about myself, put here my art, my poetry, my fairy tales, photos, overthinking everything… being pissed with something… you know. Okay, we can call it a series… but what to start from?

Holy Mother of the Island!

We could start from Spirit of Old… based in the UK… because I know him from… oh my, like my internet life, you know, like since forever! First only watching his art, first only licking bits through the screen, then… YAY… it happened. I remember I was so scared, I felt like kid asking the huge creator for a piece of his art, me being also an artist… for money of course. LOL Oh yes, I should start from it… IT IS NOT SPONSORED. Geez, I’m now hoping he will not smudge me for it. Oh my… but, the main thing we got to start from are social media. To let you know…

INSTAGRAM
FACEBOOK
PAGE

TWITTER

You go, you see, you buy.

You look for Andy Eyles and fall in love not only with his art scooping widely from the past, not only when it comes to the material, but also… shapes. I mean, he always have something hidden. Runes, owls, ogham and ravens or crows are a bit forever bits but… new magical Spirits…

I am eyeing them.

To be honest this seller has not only lovely nuts – had to write it – check his Facebook week ago, but is also real. Everything he is saying, doing is so real, that you just feel it touching the bits… sounds naughty with those nuts, right… but to be more adult like, he is a man of the woods and past. With this free spirit, free mind and freedom which only nature can teach us… And what was my first, oh my, which one was my first?

The wheel?

Then crow, owl and bead. Beauty of craftsmanship is overwhelming but much more stopping your circulation is that feeling of wood… that wood. Every piece like a part of the artist. His good vibes, his walks, him touching birch, playing in the woodlands… oh yes, you get addicted to his social media.

Really.

And to his work.

Of course sharing the same ideas, thoughts, having a really similar way of seeing life for sure helps but… of course I was overwhelmed something when I contacted him. You do not have to. If you need some tool to help your majick, to move your mojo, to dream better, to just hold art in your pocket, or just love wood and craftsmanship…

… amazing one…

Now… You know where to look for it!!!

And I truly recommend his page, SM… himself. Him as a teacher. Him as a person. A bit of laughter but also this simple wisdom of our ancestors in him somehow… living since forever? No idea…

PS. What I do recommend the most is really checking his FB because this is the quickest way to get the info about new pieces.
And for a full transparency… my bits are about 10 years old… so you can see that even used hardly, close to the skin… it is perfect still. Okay, my Familiar washed one of them. White washing… yeah…he still feels guilty.

How he describes himself? “Artist and wood carver based in Winchester, Hampshire. Creator of the finest hand crafted Pagan ritual tools and amulets.” And this is all truth, though… should add: mostly can be found in the woods.

Next to shopping, which will finally appear, welcome to new chapter in my blog life! YAY In a simple meaning… well, listen to me, old and ancient and get boring. LOL

Because boring is not bad.

Not at all.

But… I wanted to talk about being unique and… I think I was unique for my whole life… still am, not going to change it, soo… Yeah, if you was reading my previous post in this kind, you know for sure my childhood was not usual one. Closed on a mountain, to be honest sounds cool, right? It was in fact a “sanatorium” a spa place combined with doctors etc. People were coming there to heal bones, to refresh themselves after some kinds of illnesses or other problems with health. But also… well, to have fun and find love… but for me it was a home where I had a lot of aunts and uncles and no privacy at all. Trust me, too many people, changing all the time, one kid for the whole ASYLUM… strong word, but why not… I had fun time there only when I was alone, playing in the woods, between the dunes and in the valleys…

It was awesome when I was with myself.

And when I learned reading…

… oh my, I was lost. A kid which was unique, sent into school arms year earlier… I mean, it was much better because I had time for myself… but then, we moved and living in a city, typical one, well, created in my mind a picture of me – weird.

Me different.

Unique was not the word I used those days.

And yes, I tried to suit. I was like an actress looking at others and trying to play the roles… I tried it for a long time. Very long… through all the schools – we moved a lot – but then, suddenly I landed in the woods again, had far far far to school and I was walking… imagine it during cold winter months… cold dark…

Awesome!!!

Thanks to this road I had again time for myself.

I was alone and not alone, I had myself. Unique? For me it is normal, sorry. You all are unique!!!

I am me. And me went to the Uni and finally got it, fuck it, sometimes you have to play others sometimes you just do not give a fuck but… to be honest starting 30… oh my it was a revelation!!! It was like, WTF! I am awesome, okay, anxiety, autism probably then already but those were different years, depression for sure, no people is the only way… and my first year of not going out from home… yeah… was that unique?

I mean, come on…

You are unique, I am me, I do not know other way of being. I can only imagine and play roles… I watch and try to suit but… well, not very often, more like not at all recently. So maybe it is a bit unique but not for me?!!!