2021

Dear New Year…

I must admit, I would never choose being you. Yeah, you got hyped up, you got all the fireworks and hopes…

But, would you deliver?

I mean really?

Being the leader is a pain in the ass! Being the one coming after all those disappointments, pain, tears… well, I would never choose to be you, truly. And I am sorry in advance for everything people will do with you. Yes, you will be blamed. The time, number… weird thing created only, to count out what?

Mistakes?

Hopes?

Dreams? I mean really?

What are you for?

Making people disappointment?

Frustrated or even depressed and scared.

Because numbers are scary, unless it is your bank account growing and you spending as much as you want… yeah, how is your bank account 2021? What about the insurance? I mean really…

How is it?

Because I see no hope, though I am always depressed, so no worries, you will not care for me. Nope. I will have to fight for myself as usual. You are not a miracle, you are just a part of this river called Life of time… you are a part of time, only somehow people, those annoying humans need something be blamed for their mistakes, sooo… I am sorry 2021 but you will get kicked.

As 2020 was…

As many before…

I am so sorry…

This is why I am sending you some hugs and love. Just breath 2021 those over 300 days will come off quickly. As usual…

sincerely not yours

me – Witch.

Malmö 3

I am thinking about the past…

… a day I was reading “The Handmaid’s Tale”

And I was too young for that book, truly.

Maybe also too old for those my age.

And now I am watching, at least trying to watch the series and… I am scared, shocked, I am crying loud…

Because we have it.

Denmark is trying to fight with suddenly discovered gender no equality…

Guys hate women… women hate women…

To be honest everyone hates each other… and everyone is scared.

I am not living on a remote, cut off from the world island.

And yes I am scared to go out.

How crazy does it sound?

… how crazy?

There used to be the time…

What has happened?

Tell me?

Because here you can not blame religion!

Nope…

So why so much hate?

In such sophisticated and civilized countries… Scandinavia?

What?

2021… I am already afraid of you!!!

Blame time…

People say time heals

… they also say time will change. Well, nothing will work if we stay blind and dumb. We we will not change…

Time is just a fucking meter.

Clocks, watches, from dusk til down and repeat.

Do not blame time, do not wait for time… do what you want to be done now. Do what you want to see now. If you are tired and off, do nothing. It is not a wasted time… wasted time is pushing too much.

Too hard…

Against of yourself.

And times… yes, they are rough and tough. They suck in fact. Suck so badly sometimes but for a lot of people 2020 was a good year, for a lot it was not bad one. Do you know why? Because most of us struggle everyday, so another bit, hit, brick, stone… it is just another trigger. The hell is all year round.

Usually every year.

For many of us it was just another year.

And many have no hopes for 2021. It is just a number, pressure of time… maybe we do not have time, maybe our time has ended, maybe this what I wrote is sad and kicking hard but… this is the truth.

And truth sucks.

Malmö 2

Still… Malmö…

Am I expecting something new in 2021.

Peace and quiet? Cash in an amount which will make me feel finally save? Or maybe dreams coming true?

Yeah…

You know, dream big, deal with what you have. This is what I know. For sure… and that I hate surprises.

Truly…

I want to finally earn money not good words for my work… I want books and sometimes a journey. An adventure but on my terms.

Safe.

Feeling less scared maybe…

There are things in this world which make me want to live.

I just do not want them to disappear.

Just it…

Health, bit gloomy weathers, snow, books and bears, crows and trees… a woodland which will be only mine…

Just it.

And maybe…

Just it.

Malmö

Here is Malmö… again.

Because after all this rush, I mean really, no offense but I am done with all those information. One day we are a remote, forgotten island…

And then…

But it was the time when you could be in Sweden…

No masks.

Yeah…

And that amazing green beauty… Glasvasen

It is the kind of diversity in architecture, I love.

Old and new reflecting old…

But I also love this.

Truly.

Especially when it is so soothing…

So cute.

And belongs to to the street…

No regrets

I do not regret.

The lessons… teachings, though they could be less painful.

And some things were too obvious… like crying on a bicycle or crying in a car…

You know…

I tried this year everything I could.

Really.

I was unstoppable. And yes, it was 2020!

But I love isolation… self distancing…

Not the pandemic.

And now, when we are a closed island again… I am grateful for my pills.

Yeah.

Because I know sometimes you got to know whee your pills are. When it comes to pain, physical or mental…

Sometimes…

You got to know.

I want travels, money, books, woodlands, abilities and drugs… and… yeah, all for 2021. Just because. I need to take care of myself.

The museum

I come here as often as I can, but this visit was different…

This visit was… only me and art. Old house full of stories and dreams, whispers and weird sounds… though, it is a museum, sooo…

Yeah, it is a museum, but in the time of pandemic I managed to visit it with almost nobody around me!!!

And it was so special.

Of course I am talking about Oluf Høst museum… a special place which somehow managed to keep the soul of the artist still breathing, spreading creativity and joy… and other times also cookies and beverages.

And there was some new-old bits!!!

Sooo…

It is done, right?

After Jul.

Come on, 2020 is ending and people are like, it will be better, new year etc…

And I am depressingly not seeing it.

Nope. Not even a sparkle of hope in me.

Nope…

It sucks, though, maybe living without hope is also a living?

Maybe…

To be honest… I still did not got over photos of this year… not that it was so interesting, though… maybe it was?

Maybe there is something we do not notice?

Totally?

PS. I want that lamp. LOL

And the sign.

And maybe a wall… look how cool it is. In fact it was one of the shops here in Gudhjem. They redo the old house and changed the walls into this arty fart piece. Oh my, Instagramer dream!!!

Come on, look at it.

And the light.

Fuck the changing year, we are breathing, so we are going. Kick those joyful people and just stick to your gloominess.

It is okay!!!

Grateful…

Be grateful because if not…

Yeah… what would you do?

Will you push me? Will you force me to feelings which are not inside of me? Or maybe you will finally step by my side and see… the truth. That funny photos, colors, and all that stuff is a huge lie?

Maybe?

Or maybe…

Just give a go or let it go… Something different. You will see how I am struggling with not saying everyone I have never been happy. Yeah… my brain says: no such option, software error, no human inside…

It can wait…

But I can not, can I? I got to hurry. Everything got to be on time!!!

Fighting this my whole life.

I can not stop, because if I do… I do not know what will happen, maybe I will loose control over everything, which I in fact do not have, sooo… how the heck crazy my life is? How boring and simple to be honest, but also hectic and fucked up? But you do not know me, still you claim I am not grateful, and you know what, maybe I am not? I do not feel it… maybe sometimes when I touch the old trees? But then fear comes, because I know the humanity sucks so much, sooo…

I need to hurry…

But what for?

For whom?

Do I need that hurry, do I really? Maybe just for exercises and nothing more, just run little witch, run, run, and then… pant…

I hate the word GRATEFUL. Truly. It is so Christian like, so empty, so washed out like FRIEND or even LOVE. Friends on Facebook, Instagram, oh my, such a joyful group… one lie… two lies… magpies, pie, eyes…

Do not tell me what I should feel.

I will not smash you with my sweet darkness.

Loneliness

I mean loneliness…

Or more like not loneliness, because you always have yourself.

And nobody can tell you not to have imaginary friends.

Come on!

Have them!

I mean really… or just try to look deeper in yourself and find something new. New ability maybe… new skill?

Be interesting for yourself.

For sure you can.

Or maybe you never tried just being…

Being with yourself?

Truly and fully?

I mean really.

Have you ever just sit and talked to you? Have you?

Maybe there is so much more in you… so much more to discover, so much more interesting, intriguing?