Old wife’s tale… Light.

I mean…

I hate summer.

To be honest I always have.

Somehow like vacations, being only around so called family, was never my thing sooo, I truly fall in love with winter. Deep darkness, tones of snow, freezing weather creating fairy tale like creations… I mean, winter was always like me… and autumn. Like they were two sides of the same coin, my coin… Me coin? But spring and summer. Yeah, of course I do get the feeling of rebirth but I do not like it. I do not need it. And summer which is so loud so light, full of light, spreading light like…

There was only light and rush.

Nope, not my fable.

Now, during the winter time I cherish this darkness which here, on this island can be true, so true, like, there is sometimes no light at all… there is a true darkness, you can see the moon, stars, maybe far away on the sea, one or two dots, but the darkness of the night is full and true. Thick and real. The gloominess of the day, for me, can be so refreshing and somehow I do have much more than during summer, the energy to work and create, now, when it is cold, wet and grey.

But when you create you may need light…

I know.

But still, I never use “big lights”. I prefer tiny lamps in the corners of the room, I prefer fairy lights and candles, oh yes, fire…

… mmmmhmmm yummy fire.

Those tiny breaks of light do not destroy my calming shadows… my not bright aroundness. If only the sun appears I feel… bad. Worse. I feel confused. I am not myself though I know I should use it… to plant bulbs, work in the garden, to pretend that I am a normal, semi normal, person… but when I talk about depression and hear: the sun can help you, I just laugh and nod… because people do not understand how can you choose darkness over the light. Maybe this is how I do not get they need other people and I…

Well, do not.

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