Not here

Recently…

I do not feel in place.

I mean, however crazy it sounds, I feel I am in a wrong point of the world. Suddenly my island became my enemy… but it would only be the point for the phrase: there is only one tiny step from love to hate… or maybe…

… maybe in fact I need something new…

I need something new.

And I know what it is.

Change.

I mean… the world shifts and feeling this mess which adds to my mess, I mean it is hard to be me when it comes to brain. And food allergies, you know. Hard when you can not just eat huge cake and feel better.

I hate cake.

Here is one of my secrets!!!

But… I really try to be perky, seem to jokey and etc. but to be honest, it sucks. Not feeling the island sucks. Not feeling… or more like feeling pain, aching for another place. Hearing the calling… then then appearing even hundreds of kilometers from that spot I feel… better. I find feathers, flowers which haunt me this year, seeing something like from Jean. M. Auel books… valley of horses…

I mean…

I know what I want but also feel guilty that I do not feel my island anymore. Doesn’t she need me anymore? Doesn’t she love me? To be honest I feel like someteen years ago when I was aching for her… wanted to move here. And had no idea she will hurt me, almost kill me, take from me too much almost everything… I had no idea that she will drain me and leave… this is how I feel.

I need other rocks. I hear the calling from other islands… but will they do the same with me? Maybe this is some kind of schema? Maybe…

I feel not here, my depressions runs around naked and happy, free… my anxiety plays with wind and creates flowery wreaths and everything else is also doing awesomely. And there is me… me who feels only nothingness. Fuck it! I got to stand up punch my mental conditions and… yeah, and what…

Sooo… just a gentle remind… you can check my shop here ChepcherJones and BearfromBornholm and if you need more magick, just contact me on Instagram or Facebook. I create tiny bags/talismans for your pains and work with runes, intuition and visions…

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