I will not go to Heaven…

Oh my Mother Island!

I have heard this so many times. All those phrases, all those words. All those “you must”, because if not, you will not go THERE. Especially as a kid. And you know what? I never got it? Because if not, so what? Hell or purgatory.

Both seem fun.


I still remember myself playing in the woods, alone and not alone, all those ghosts, spirits, fairies… forbidden things, you should not see or be able to touch. All those stories… chants. Me between rocks and trees. i felt so in a right place, and then… churches. Oh yes, I am aware that most of them were built in a places already saint for those BC, but still. That smell, and fear… nope, nej tak.

As I was growing up I got it, that I was wild pagan all my life. Yup, ages ago it was not that fun and freedom. Especially in Poland. Still it is not normal there… but me, because of those woods and love to being alone, somehow manged. But I was also a nice, polite kid, so did what Mamma wanted me to. Always more aware of others happiness than myself. Nasty stuff. But still, I grow up, got my freedom. And I still do not get Heaven. It is such boring stuff. Sitting and singing. Wearing wings, and white – I prefer black – and when you look into Islamic heaven… oh yes, male Muslims got it, but ladies… still it sucks, so why do you all believe in it?

Am I afraid of dying?

Of course, it is something… oh yes, I have already done it. Not to the end, but still, 3 times. And it was calm, amazing, somehow free feeling, so in fact all I am afraid off is my Husband dying first, all, so… Yeah, no Heaven for me, but maybe some woods, rocks, books and ancient stuff there? In fact, please stop telling me, that you know what is THERE! Nope, never. Even if you died and came back, it still was not that.

For now I am planing to staying on my Island with my Husband, as ghosts… and pissing you all!!! LOL


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