Yeah, to be honest, I have no idea how it all started.
I for sure have totally no picture when it comes to an end too but…
… first I was a kid, really weird one, not wanting people around, trying to run away few times, until I sadly realized nobody cares that I am gone…
… none looks for me…
… having dreams about my own mother – spoiler alert, I have no idea who my father was/is still, really – which was getting smaller and smaller and I was only a few year old who in fact had to be a mother, an adult, shit scariest of any nightmares, and since that moment, I think…
… maybe it was in fact that moment…
I knew I do not want to have kids.
I tried to imagine myself as mother having someteen years. Twins in fact, two girls with long hair… yeah, you may in fact here see a pattern starting, so I will say it, I am obsessed when it comes to hair. Those on your head. Long and beautiful… I do not have them. Mine are weak and genetically looking will never be awesome, so since I was grown up enough, I knew I will not be trying coloring them or in fact treating them badly, too much, too hot, too… everything… being careful.
I was in fact born old, it looks so… boring. LOL
But it was about kids… yeah, now, still here, still not wanting kids after over 20 years of being married and looking around, I see hair, still jealous, but in this admiring way. Just being happy that someone has at least one problem less. Although maybe it is too hot for them, or they are struggling with those hair, maybe…
… there is nothing certain, nothing sure…
Except this, that I still do not want to reproduce.
That kids thing is not for me. I wanted to be an aunt, but well, you know, maybe when they will get older… you can not push anyone into love or just being together. People so easily forget that kids are kids only for some years then they become themselves and… are still kids for parents but parents forget that they are more like just humans. Someone’s love, mothers and fathers and in fact families but also just separate beings soo… yeah, why am I rumbling so weirdly?
Because it is autumn, leaves fall and people again start to yell at young and even older women: have kids!!! This is the only thing which makes you a woman, which makes you important, full living, which… blah blah blah…
Kids!!! Like having a child was a recipe, remedy for everything.
Marriage, sadness, depression, bad hair, stomach pains…
I mean really.
When I was at the doctor for the first time – the doctor – there was that sentence: oh, she throws up every month, pain, oh well, she will have a baby everything will be okay… TMI I got my first cramps at age of 8!!! Yeah… Nobody checked if maybe I have endometriosis, which I probably have… Yeah, again spoiler, had one surgery when I was 16, I should repeat it but…
You all know how it is, but coming back to babies.
Cute on photos, geez… tried to take care of them, have a younger brother, though again spoiler… he hates me now, I think, and I mean, nope. And genes, yeah, I am a mess, do not want someone to have to go through it what I battled. Nope. Could not just give it to someone sooo… am I against asking about babies? To be honest, nope. It is that creepy question but a very normal one. But you may not like an answer. See, you can ask, I can answer and you have to accept this answer as I accepted the question. And this is it. Though I am so sorry for girls, ladies… having all those struggles. Working like crazy, there is no equality even in Scandinavia, it is a lie… we have to work more. So working… and then pregnant.
It is not like, just give birth and give it away… are you dumb?
I mean, this is the dumbest saying ever!!!
Really!!!
Why vaginas are nowadays everyone’s businesses?
If someone struggles to have kids, it should be said if they want to, if they do not want kids, also, and it should be normal that creating a human, not just a cute face for your fucking social media… is a big, huge job. And you, parents should be aware of it. None will create a human, good, understanding, having ups and downs but understanding them and a huge deal, that others may also feel this way…
… not a rapists, not a bullying being…
… it is all your doing.
Huge job.
Not for me.
PS. Yes, my husband also do not want kids. Just FYI. When in relationship, always talk it first!!!
