Me me me…
Recently it is all I hear, all I see in social media and I am truly avoiding them, so it has to be a lot of that stuff. Me, myself, my time, finally getting it that if you do not take care of yourself, none will do it for you. You must be the person who know yourself the best. Not some kind of coach, you!
But… I am also not getting this “ME” trend.
Why?
Well, this is somehow obvious.
Mostly because it is what I breath for, being alone, myself. I thought it is a normal life, but nope, so I went through running from home, then being trapped in a fable, somebody else fable, and all the time, all the time… put by others into the drawers which did not fit me, only others mattered…
Well, all that time I was only thinking about being alone, finally, in nature… but not lonely, I had me… myself, all the time. And when I figured out I can loose it it hit me, that I could not live without myself.
Yes a lot of this time is alone… alone but not lonely.
With myself.
But this new culture of ME. This truly scares me. Because it is not about developing yourself, helping those who were raised by churches, abused, trapped in cults… nope, it is only about ME, everything must be for ME, my traumas broke ME – I am finding new traumas all the time, this is my life, colorful books, sentences… visible, loud so everyone should notice them and listen and take care of my path and in fact, me me me… you know what I do often when I am alone, well, I am silent. Sometimes I do talk to myself, especially when I am trying to work something out but usually I am silent, or I have music in my ears or just am…
… and am working.
To be honest it is just different from others lives because I have none by my side. I have no friends. But only because for me the definition of friendship is huge and deep. Does not mean people who get me who I met online. But to be honest, recently I was like… well, I was faced with so called normal life and I can truly and strongly admit, that I am just not a human being and homo sapiens sapiens…
Really.
I do not party, do not go to restaurants, I do not need someone to talk to, do not buy tone of stuff, do not like crowds… I really need people only when I need a doctor or something to be fixed, what I can not do. I mean, for me this is normality and I get it, doctors told me I am unfixable… I do not care about social media, I do not follow celebrities and not care what they are wearing. Sometimes this world touches me and I am surprised but it is like watching another world.
Some different planet… really.
How I know that?
Well… recently my Familiar…
… also known as my Husband, said, for 100th time ever: you are not a human. It was when I asked why they do it… and truly I do not remember what was it. I sometimes do it, I ask those questions, still, they just jump out of me… well, this is why I am a weirdo. Luckily trees and rocks do not care.
Okay, for you all I am strange, for myself, this is normality to take care of myself, but also to take care of nature of those I love. To write letters and cray cards for those who need a smile, but not hug them… To leave tiny notes but not kisses… just to be in my bauble but spreading something from it. Not farty, come on! LOL
I try to be smallest, not to bother others with my self…
But this Me culture is something what seems for me so violent…
… and it should not… it is so selfish not just smart. It is harsh and when to ME cultures collide, well, there will be an explosion.
