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And it was so sunny, like the rays were blessing the surroundings like in the Ancient Egypt.

Really…

I felt holy, almost.

Blessed, baptized, married… again…

And all this amazing heather… purple, pink and violet.

And that sun, that glow, those shadows, where you could just hide and stop breathing to listen… to listen all those stories, whispers, to enter behind that ripped veil… here not thin, ripped, like, if you were brave enough, you could just enter there and have the pick of the past.

And I closed my eyes and saw them. Praying but also dancing.

Having fun like the past was also now…

Around the barrows, eating with those who are dead…

See them?

They are so visible, so many of them.

And all this wilderness… such old fashioned stuff.

And heather…

I mean really…

It was such a special time. Place. Moment…

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And step by step… you are walking a narrow path just checking if ticks do not eat you alive… come on, there are a nightmare.

Dangerous one.

And suddenly…

First you feel them… graves, bodies, the past telling their legends again, all those steps of people which for thousands of years…

Called this place saint.

And your familiar puts his phone in front of you… I mean really, come on!!! LOL

Graves.

The dead ones. Those who were suppose to be remembered forever.

Or even longer.

Or even… to be an example for those who came after them.

Seen from far far far away… look at all those tiny trees, imagine this place bare, a huge meadow…

You could see them from another hill…

Island?

Or the sea…

I am the witch…

I am the witch…

“I am the witch of woodlands and trees
things which helped people survive
which were the must

… things…
though do not exist anymore…
I am the one who does not have a phone
though still hears too much.
Does not watch TV, reads news,
but knows too much.
Which hides but is still visible.
Is silent
but is called a loud one.
I am the one of the past
with a soul too old for today.
I am…
though sometimes, too often,
I think I am gone.
With fallen trees.
Killed woodlands.
Forgotten stories, legends and myths.
Unwanted elder…
I am…
I was…
Will be…” Ch. J.

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And to be honest it is just an amazing woodland.

With tone of rocks. Amazing rocks. With the pat, which whispers and makes you feel drunk with all those bits…

And expecting everything and nothing, because this was my first time.

I wanted to be surprised and I was…

With everything.

I felt blessed, baptized and…

Accepted.

And that path up… okay, hear me panting LOL

Come on, it was hot!

Maybe not sooo hot, still, here almost autumn, for the rest of the Europe still summer.

Or called so…

One of those places which you want to just… stay forever…

You feel understood.

Finally…

By the trees, by the sky, by the past which wants to be noticed, again and again and again… remembered.

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I can not feel her recently…

… my island, the one was the reason I moved here. That love, that passion. She did hurt me more than I thought. It is still my home, one and only, though… yeah… maybe there is no coincidence in my life.

No “just happened”

I keep showing you last summer bits and to be honest, I miss them so much. I feel the real, physical pain in me. Maybe I should finally honestly admit in front of you and myself, which I feel like I should be there…

Not here.

But I earn nothing, I feel like nothing, I am addicted to my familiar, I relay on him in almost everything… I am nobody, I am only those photos, memories, some knowledge, ideas and… guilt. Fear and depression.

I feel unwanted, I feel useless…

Maybe it is not a coincidence I have all those thoughts when showing you this amazing stone circle…

… and this is my confession.

Have I lost my life or just a moment of it?

Is it me, a looser in all aspects or there is still some hope?

I accepted depression and anxiety, decided to destigmatize it, live with it, use it in my research and life, art and all that stuff, but was it a good step? Not everyone gets it. Or more like, one for the rest of the world gets it. Or few people… a bit the same like me… weird.

I decided I can live with it…

Project myself, which also is a part of my research, sooo… it is a good idea, or seemed so… but now, I am staying home and hiding.

I work a lot, though… is it work if you get no cash for it only tears and fear and a lot of sleepless nights?

But… maybe I was only fooling myself?

Maybe it is too much?

Maybe I should just stop?

Dreaming, hoping, breathing…

There is no other way.

Seems sooo…

I tried so many of them and choose wisely. I know which one are mine. I know it, so why… it is not happening?

Money in modern days are everything. They say if you are needed for this world. Somehow in this sphere I am a looser… somehow, I prefer to give than feel weird when getting something, but I must eat, pay, give…

I am…

I so do not belong to those times…

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And to be honest, entering this woodland, maybe close to the road, maybe totally unknown, was like the best adventure ever…

I mean really.

Those amazing rocks and plants. Such a wonderful wild garden… such a precious space, truly…

Until I started to look closer into these photos…

I mean…

Amazing, green, vibrant… so alive…

WTF?

How could I not see it earlier? How the heck?

I mean, it is not something really weird, had weirder stuff in the woods, though somehow, with this rock human looking like…

And I still see them. Now I see only them, those weird boots not the rock looking like a huge monumental even grave!

I mean, really…

Good, I started to look up too.

On this breathtaking art by nature.

And the trees so welcoming…

So needed…

Archeology suddenly was on a second place… I started to feel like not me, at all.

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Vrångstad… to be honest, I found some information about it but never thought it is such huge, whole day consuming experience.

Including history, archeology and nature.

Or mostly nature touched by humans?

Or…

Something more, something mythical, mythological…

Sleeping giants, covered with a green, soft moss.

Rocks, calm and waiting for your notice… for your dreams and stories.

For you…

And it was one of those days when I needed trees and rocks and the past. I somehow have such days…

Too often. LOL

And to be honest, those first breaths were so enjoyable. So like drinking clear water from a deep well covered in flint.

Sooo… primal.

Trees… such blessing.

And the light, somehow leading us the way which… we messed up. Again, we will have to come back here, or more like, I want to come back here.

Now? LOL

Gray hair

I was watching the video… link here… about calm, love…

Blooming trees…

New beginnings.

You know this channel, I talked about it earlier, so I really hope you still remember amazing Liziqi. And skipping if it is a Chinese manipulation etc… that love between those two is everything.

And then, there was something about grey hair. About getting older and still… see, for me my Grandmother was a hottie. But for me most beautiful she was when she got older. Calmer, wiser even beyond wise… And during watching the main character of this amazing account… again I saw her connection with her Grandmother and…

I melted.

Again…

… one more time..

Someone translated a poem used there, in comments thankfully, and I cried…
“Don’t laugh at an old woman who has gray hair but still wears flowers.
A woman’s beautiful appearance will be destroyed by time; the time of youth will also pass with time. But if you have poetry in your heart, then years can’t erase your glory.
The real beauty lies in her inner, not in her appearance.”

As humans we treat the process of growing old so cruelly. Yes, on this photo is me, younger, and my Grandma… Will I get all wrinkly and old, maybe? Maybe I will grow up. For now, I know much more than then. I do not bow so often, I learned to say NO. I learn to protect myself, still… And I see how women treat women and I hate it. I see how female is important only as a toy… it is a weird, hard, cruel world where something called “Hotel Paradise” is more important than trees, nature… okay, I have no TV, but Googled, sadly, will not repeat it…

And all those people, so stuffed with plastic, nothing wise being rich and popular, being… heroes? WTF?

… and…

I know more now Grandma…

Still not enough, though maybe enough would be too much for me?

Maybe…

I miss you Grandma!

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Okay, I was sneaky…

I mean, I do know how they are build, but somehow for me they are those caves hiding best treasures.

Like those from fairy tales.

Because for me treasures are people’s stories…

And memories.

And bits found floating on the waves, or gifted from the sea.

Bits of glass changed into jewels.

This place is not loneliness, but is so calming…

Especially when people are not here…

Only the sea, huts and colors.

And rocks.

Never forget about rocks.

Oh yeah… one for sure, I wanna come back here for a whole day, or few. To climb around, to check every corner.

I wish…

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And to be honest, I could spend here hours. Just being hidden between the rocks or sitting on those rocks and looking there…

Into another world.

Behind the veil.

It was a blessing we had none else for a moment.

It really was…

Looking up and looking down…

Somehow I was mostly amazed by this house on the rock. Geeez… it got to be windy as in front of farty troll’s ass…

Really…

And sunny.

But still those waters, so blue and emerald like…

So refreshing…

But mostly, yes, I was here for those huts.