Early spring…

On my island spring can start really early…

Even around January.

Yes, this place is so weird.

It even have all those crocuses in the wilderness.

Of course people started it, but then… then nature decided to accept it and…

Lead it on.

Just because.

Colors are important and around this time they are white or purple or violet…

Weird.

Of course there is a purpose, but I do not wanna think about it now.

Just don’t.

And then comes orange and yellow and… herbs still bloom in violet…

Interesting.

Oh well…

Maybe it is the sky who decides to make them so?

To match?

Because if we all come from that space? Are bud from stars, skies and clouds… so why not? Maybe there is no science only a fairy tale. Yes, of course I know it is not so, but still, I choose today to think differently. That this sky was there to match, touched the ground, the soil and…

Hey, here are crocuses! LOL

Just look…

Sometimes… well, it is amazing to close eyes and fly away to some imaginary world, dream… and sometimes, it is so good to open them…

Truly.

Maybe for the first time.

Differently.

For example at the winter sea… yup, winter. I know it looks so warm… it wasn’t. LOL

Or surfaces, shapes, colors…

How easy it is to be inspired. How easy you can see here little hands putting stone on stone, tiny giants…

Hear songs of mermaids…

Or maybe,,,

See much more.

See future creations for which you will finally have time.

Time… to see.

Yes, it is just a beach.

Or maybe a sea troll, one of forgotten gods lying here, buried… maybe…

Or believing in unicorns?

Finally? Because why not?

Because to be honest, people stopped seeing…

… in fact watching…

Peeking…

Okay, I do it.

Nope, not interested in people.

Just not.

Only in this how they create their space.

What do they leave, throw out.

Keep.

Change.

It says so much about many…

Sometimes more than talking, photos on Instagram and Facebook.

How people live… I mean really, not what they show off, but more like, how they create their every day.

Soooo… yes, somehow it is about people. But also not…

More like about a space which grows around them

Space which they often change… but still, checking those leftovers says so much.

And all those shades of yellow, orange, brown…

And of course… those sunflowers!!!

Awwww!!!

I am so dreaming about a home… my own space where I can do everything.

Okay, almost everything.

So dreaming…

So much.

White, black and red…

We had one day of winter…

I mean really. And in fact snow was on my island only in one place so it was a very hide and seek thing.

But I found it.

Maybe wet, maybe not so much…

But it was here for me.

Yes, I know I am saying this only to feel special, but what if? What if even those amberlike leaves where for me?

What it was only for me?

White… black and red. And maybe some green moss. But this redness. OMMI so special! So stunning and strong.

And all those lines, colors, surprises… holes in the woods, where like in Narnia snow was somehow falling up? Yeah… up!

And sometimes… that bloody trail…

It was stunning. Wintery. And that smell of cold… I miss it!!!

So much.

Because now it is so hot here!

Even awesome, blue and green cold waves can not change me missing my winter.

I love winter.

Yes, I am aware that most of you do not. But still got no idea why some of you act so violent when I say, I do?

The light…

It was mind blowing.

It was embarrassing all my creations.

Stunning, beautiful.

Something special, what was like only for me… and I took a step, and then another and… if not a golden retriever, which appeared from no idea where… I would go, I would follow this light. I felt it was so right to do it.

Really.

Yes, my mind is that scary.

But just look at it. Changing, opening.

That dog saved my life. I know it, still saying it loud is so… cringe.

I feel things, plants, waves, lights, clouds…

I feel it all differently.

And nope, there is nothing special I am just different. Not stuck to my phone but stuck to the nature. Birds are first thing I hear… annoying bastards. LOL

Green is something I have around. Light which I wanted to follow was there…

Peace and quiet is much more possible… no humans, swimming naked.

I do not claim, that I get it all, but there is no faith in me…

Because I know.

I know this everything around me is a part of me. That there is more in my head than just a regular brain… lazy and stuck to labels.

Who am I kidding… I know nothing about them. LOL

But if you wanna sponsor my crazy mind, please buy my photos, my art or just donate… there is that button. None ever used it. And this blog is 10 years old. Maybe you will be first, because a lot of is changing and…

Yeah… a lot is changing.

61 days

I am so not a patient person.

Truly no idea if I am a person at all… still trying to figure it out. Am I homo sapiens sapiens or maybe not?

Maybe in fact I have much more neanderthal in me?

Not about it today. But about patience…

I hate it. I prefer things to be done quickly and perfectly. No breaks, no coffees, you can pee but then, wash your hands and go back to work.

Work is a perfect meditation for me, so it starts and ends in one… day.I can not imagine leaving things to do them tomorrow…

And now all I can do is wait.

61 days…

Fuuuu… KMN.

Even this amazing sea creature seems to laugh at me.

Me inpatient.

But also me being so patient when it comes to art. Dancing with a brush, or standing in a weird pose with hands up because there is a bird…

Yes, there is!

So maybe it is only a matter of doings? Things which I do? Now. Then. Before and after? Maybe there is so much more to a definition of patience?

So much more?

Or maybe I just like clean things and messy canvases?

Clean lines and messy colors?

Maybe in fact I am both so patient and slow when it comes to creating, when creating needs it from me, and so crazy when it comes to housework?

OMMI how complicated one being can be?

Oh wait, I did not tell you what it is all about, so in 61 days…

Yeah, not telling you yet.

But soon.

Maybe…

Patience is painful.

Dreams

Everyone of us have those BIG dreams.

You know, those so important, that you dream about them, do everything for them to happen. For real. To be real.

Sooo… what happens when they happen?

I mean they change status from pending into done?

When you are me… there is a fear. Huge fear. Weird fear. Fear which normal brains do not get. But when you have depression, Asperger, stages of fear and autism, well… this is how it can work. Dreams suddenly being the truth… done make me… nope, they create a hole in my life, thoughts.

Just because it is me.

Like this boat… covered in the past… but except my past there is also this really ancient past. But archaeologists somehow live between ages.

Somehow. And it is normal for us. But probably not for all of us, still… for those obsessed ones yes.

Every layer of the paint is still here.

Under but also visible.

Not brushed, because what for?

We can not be ashamed of the past if it taught us something if it made us better or only… we survived it. Sooo…

There are also dreams.

Many of them I forgotten. Really. I am so sure there were dreams which for me from the past were such a MUST, and now they make me laugh.

Very loudly.

But there were always dreams which never changed.

There will be a story about one of them soon. But you got to give me 63 days. You know… I just do not want to make it now. Come out from my dreamy closet. I have Narnia there, and all Tolkien’s worlds and GOT even, because I loved it before it was famous, and of course the Earth here is flat, and we have elephants and a turtle.

Yup… all fantasy books… Dragonlance is in a basement with lands created by Mercedes Lackey LOL

All those lines

Borders, lines, limits, frontiers…

Something is there, and you are here.

So also doors, veils, gates… because there are those chosen to pass, right?

Or not.

Still, when I look at the sea hitting stones and other, created by humans “creations” is like… from one side a kiss, hit, splash or maybe…

Destruction.

Creation.

And sometimes…

You have to put your own shields down and face the adult world. Which makes you sick. Truly.

And I am scared.

I build them to stay semi okay, but… sometimes I have to pretend I am an adult. I am like everyone else… fuuu…k it is so hard.

Even taking a peek is… painful

I still prefer thinking about veils and gates, mirrors and doors which let our imagination fly and dance like a crazy drunken middle aged woman… like me.

Yes, we are alive!

Old does not mean no fun.

Sooo… who is jumping with me? Yes, this water is so clean because of rocks and soft sand… simple. Sooo… oh yes, it is cold, but still.

Come on, be brave!!!

I am not good in being brave! But I have pills for this! LOL

Swans

Oh my… swans.

Magical beasts.

Remember the basic fairy tale about swans? You know, the “Ugly duckling” one? Well… it is true and is not. In, of course, my opinion.

No offense, but those fluffy babies are so cute. And growing up are still majestic even, but… those white ones…

Or black.

Oh my, why big white bird gets such a huge applause?

Okay, you all know I am afraid of them. Too many times they tried to chase me… even when I was like a far away from them.

I mean WTF?

Because I wear black?

Is that “a thing”. I mean, calm down, nothing racist, more like: maybe they see my silhouette differently?

They always somehow do not like me.

Although as a kid I remember them with opened wings in this awful pose… nope, not like them, still… why that huge, white – or black, because there are black too – is so popular. Here we even have a city called their name!

I mean… why?

And why those, not so ducklings, are considered ugly? Is that only metaphorical? Or there is a deeper reason?

For me they are still big and scary, and somehow when younger much more friendly…

Sooo… yes.

I prefer the so called “ugliness” more than white beauty.

Yup.

Stop hissing on me! LOL

Calm down

Of course I do recommend nature to calm down.

But even there it may be tricky.

Very tricky.

I saw humans on bikes with phones in their hands. I mean WTF?!!! Not only stupidity and total danger for others but also… why?

What was so important to put your life at risk?

Why don’t you just stop, take that call, write that message and then turn the phone off!? Why?

I mean really.

As someone who has no TV no phone tell me, what is your answer. Why you can turn off yourself even on a bike in amazing wilderness or, worst, on a road!!! When all you should do is watch the road, cars etc.

I mean…

Sooo… when people say that they go outside into the nature to calm down I am like: really? And what are you taking with you? A camera? Something to record birds singing? Bird watcher stuff or…

… internet?

It is not calming down!

Never. Although when I see – more listen too – all those youtubers only buying stuff I never knew existed… it is somehow washing me inside. Makes me… bored and in fact I sooo… turn off.

But to CALM DOWN… oh I so hate this phrase still.

Especially when I am having a panic attack…

Calm down, like I knew how to do it!

Do not treat me like a stupid babe… I do not know how to do it. I never knew. I need a pill, some time and then…

Yeah, figuring out how to at least reduce this need to calm down. How to find a place where people are not so common.

Because when it comes to me fear is always bonded strongly with those alive.

Somehow dead people are so much more interesting and… no fear included. But hey, I am an archeologist! I do it! And if you wanna check what is going on on my island from this side check the Facebook Page for our newest research. Gold included! If you are into Iron Age especially, bit too fresh for me LOL still…

Just stunning pieces of guldgubber!

Really made of gold. LOL

I will stay in my zone of stone carvings. They make me calm… LOL