How tall are you?

Sooo… I am short.

And happy about it. LOL

See, when you are short you learn quickly that you got to scream sometimes to be heard. or stand up up to be seen or… even stand up for yourself to be at all. For some people it sucks, so heels probably help them. And I bet it is worst for guys than ladies to be short. Remember Ally McBeal’s song “Short people”? Am I weird because I do not mind? I mean really, you can not like me only because I am short or like crows and bears… it is your right. Bear with it. LOL I can not care about it.

This is my right. Not to care about what you think…

But still…

… when you are short you not only look differently, can hide easier, but also see the world differently. I made weird research using my Husband – I still do not get how he gets with me around. I mean really, he is saint in all religions LOL – and we managed to see the world in weird patchwork way. I saw it lower, he noticed more things in his eye level but… Surprisingly when you are short you look down, up and also watch the world on your level, but because you are shorter, somehow you see more…

I think we, shorter human beings, are much more curious, so we see more. We do not wanna miss something only because of our short feet. LOL So we climb up, lie down, watch the sky, roofs and branches, but also see this what is under tall peoples feet. What they just crushed like giants… It is a bit fairy tale like thinking but really, I love tall guys, but still, I am so aware they can step on me. Easily push and crush me. So… I prefer to just not walk their way. Too often stuck to the ground. Touching the stones – not only to look for carvings, but to see another world.

Hidden for so many.

Such a patient world…

PS. I live on a small island full of tiny homes, so it suits, but I still see so many tall people living here and I wonder how they fit in this small world. Maybe tall people do not in fact need skyscrapers? Or maybe short people love them because they are something they will never outgrow? Oh well… think about it when you watch tiny bugs grabbing huge pieces of grass or wood. Weird world, isn’t it?

The heat

I get it…

I mean I really do.

I get it that there are people who love summer, hot weather, sun bathing, sweating and all that stuff. People who look like frites. I mean really. Brown and beautiful like fried potatoes. I get it… but why?

Why do you love it?

I mean really?

Asking as someone who loves cold.

Who even loves cold showers and have them all year round! Yes, during winter too. And yes, that water almost bites me, but it is such a great feeling. Freezing temperatures, wind, biting air… oh my, I love winter and autumn. Yes, of course autumn is for colors, but still, I like it sunny for photos and cold one for me. It is like… when it is hot or even too warm, I am turning off.

And when there is too much sun, same happens.

See… I have few stories in me to paint out and to write them own, but I just can not. Not today, when everything is just dry… Drought is killing us. I get it, it is cool for tourists, but looking at dying trees and plants, it is killing me. I can not just walk. I am constantly scared that some dumb human being will smoke a cigarette and threw away the leftovers and… puff, we are gone. And you do know how people treat places where they g for vacations. Suddenly it is not the same planet. Somehow they can do everything… unfortunately, everything nasty…

Sooo… what o you find awesome in hot weathers?

In steaming temperatures or even saunas?!!!

Tell me. LOL

Hair…

Sooo…

I was not raised in some weird religious compound. I was not forced to have long hair, in fact I was the sad opposite, forbidden to have one. No idea why, my so called mother, had always told me I should not have them. Well, you got to ask her why she was so opposite my long hair if you want an answer, I never got one…

But leave me.

Read this and think how in fact we treat our hair? Yes, my research went so deep into this whole Christianlike living, that it is now an obsession. I just DO NOT GET IT. I mean really. Yes, as a kid I was scold because I laughed or danced on Friday. A regular one Friday. I was forbidden to go to a party on Fridays. Just because Jesus died that day… yeah, some parents suddenly come to this weird way of thinking and you, a kid earlier raised by herself, in a day you get this sign. Huge one, saying: you can not o this or that, only because the church said so…

Of course it was only few years apart until I was 18, and moved out to a dorm to study at the Uni, but still it hurt… Tell me, what makes people so easy to jump into all those weird don’ts, laws, structures… believes. I mean really? Why to give up freedom, which we have not much, so easily?

Why?

STOP… loosing freedom. If someone tells you your hair are to please a guy, leave it. Have hair as you want them, or do not care about them at all. Those are in fact only hair and modern cosmetology can give you them in all colors and lengths. Stop bothering about the look, take care of your mind! And think… do you really want a god which cares so much – sounds a bit pervert – about this how your hair looks like, or how your soul, mind, heart is taken care of? I mean really? What kind of superficial gods those are who care about makeup.

Or maybe makeup has its own gods? Well… maybe?

But… I made some research and few experiments, and got it, that even when it is no matter of believes, suddenly a woman cutting her hair short is like… disabled. Like she was not owning them at all. Or have no rights to it or even, was to stupid to decided that she wants what she wants. I mean really? WTF is going on with this world. Stupid thing – hair, which is super important when you got sick and suddenly loose them, what can be so traumatic, and for you it is so saddening, in a regular life is… I mean really. It is not a leg or an eye! Those are hair, so why so much fuss about it?

And yes, my hair are weak and short. Soo… have I wrote all this stuff only because I am jealous? I bet you think so. LOL

 

Imagine…

Even if you are standing alone on the rock, surrounded by waves, thunders, storms and all those disasters. Even if everything is sadness…

… think… how cool it is to have wings, even if only wings of imagination.

Even if it all happens only in your head.

It is real for you.

For sure.

This is one place you can hide. See this world through this weird veil visible only for you. Or have there dreamed home and plants, and of course all those things you can finally have for your own. Because things sometimes matters even more… that stone, that piece of art, that… something. And maybe a family?

Because some of us wanna have it only there. In our dreams. Okay, not me, but still. I have there dreamed, weird family and a dog. A home, amazing, full of books, safe, finally mine forever and ever.

In fact only in my imagination I can feel safe, because even if something happens… I have dragons! Come on and golems and dwarfs and gnomes. And trolls which feel good in my garden. And I have there so much more… this is why I so often close my eyes. So often, very often even.

Maybe you do remember this one part of Ally McBeal’s series where there was an older lady who had in her dreams an amazing family, and she wanted just to dream, just to sleep because this world was nothing for her. Maybe you do… if not, watch it. It is worth of it. Because it may make it easier for you to get it why not everything here, visible is so okay and wanted. Not everything…

Dreaming is sometimes so real.

Drought

Drought.

Haven’t been so for ages.

I mean really.

Not so bad. Not so devastating. Not so… immortal. So sure of its doings, so strong, persistent, so… everything.

It is like crying without tears.

When you come back to nature, leave concrete cities, suddenly again woods are for you the normal place to ave fun, or rocks, seaside, sands, leas, sea… when it is a real part of your life drought strikes you too. Suddenly he sun is only pain and lack of water is somehow in you. This awful, but also weird fear that you will not be able to…

… live.

Imagine life without water, without fruitful moist ground. Try to bring it back to you from trashy DNA and get it. Understand it. How painful it is, and how grateful your own herbs can be for a splash of after in the evening. And bees and butterflies. In fact you matter. You are a part of this world, this one very important which brings life back. Lets bugs work. Although, you somehow feel how tired they are.

How bored with this sun…

When you can back to nature, you are one. You feel it. You touch the tree and can hear this heart beating… and pain when someone takes this tree away from you. You can mourn the tree. Or the stone. You can be back, and if you feel ready, do it, because without nature we are so fucking nothing!!!

A splash of color…

Sometimes it is all you need.

A simple splash of color. Something not blended into the universe around you. Into the sand on a beach, into the woodlands or wherever you are.

I mean really.

Just look.

And remember it suits art and clothing too. A splash of red will make you visible, that shiny thingy attached to your backpack can save your life!!!

But it also is weirdly good for your mind… to have a splash of something new. New book, new theory, new knowledge… Thinking, deliberating, just using your mind. Having something not suiting, meeting something maybe even scary before. Just trying new. If you have enough strength.

If you are ready… because you got to be ready for it. For this splash. Or create it for someone you know and love. A splash of colors, or only one, which will show them a new way… maybe rocky, bumpy and full of grass, but still… so fascinating.

So inspiring!!!

Like a red mushroom such splash of color in dark forest, can bring so many stories to you. Can wake up something in you, forgotten, or maybe left in you DNA by your ancestors. Sooo… are you ready?

More about art…

For me… because I should mention it that it is only my opinion, of a crazy woman, so you can not care… art is everything.

Art is in broken trees, in seeds, branches, stones, rocks, boulders, in mushrooms, in every photo, yes it can be there… in simple grass, in thoughts and dreams, sleepless nights and those covered in a huge mystery, can be in words, and creations.

Art…

In fact the art is this what you feel looking at the piece. In fact you, the one who looks at it, admires or hates, feels thrill or maybe finally gets something… changes itself. Somehow enriches inside.

You make it art.

Te one who watches, who touches, who is amazed. Who feels that it is a lost part of his soul or maybe heart? It sounds huge, but this is how it is.

And some of art is easy.

You see nice colors and find it beautiful.

Simple. It speaks to you through shapes and shades. You love red so it will be easier for every artists painting in this color to reach you. But what if you get surprised? Suddenly find yourself in green?

It is possible!

Clay, canvases, porcelain, wood… so many possibilities.

Chose wisely and be ready for surprises. Because even the artist you do not like, can create something you find is a piece of you. A piece which was never mentioned in you, which was never… expecting.

Art is also in you. Your shape, how you smile, walk, how you move in fact. It is hard to say what is not art. But the truth is… art should be for everyone. And should be visible, but not destroying nature. Because still The Nature creates the best pieces. I mean really, humans will never be so good…

PS. All photos taken in Gudhjem.

None of it is my own art… except photos, they are. LOL

When there is only noting…

Nothing.

Not even darkness, black dog or however you call it. When all those regulations and rituals fail, are not enough, when even pills are not strong enough, but you are smart enough what new pills can do with you…

When everything collapses, you are still jobless, and your own project, your love, is something what nobody cares about. And it is okay, but not okay for people you know, who wants only the results not the fun of discovering something, the process of researching, looking for answers…

When you are unable to go out even with your own Husband who is really amazing and buys you a troll and the most beautiful piece of labradorith…

You are still in this place where there is that sign “The End” and it is on. Because it is the only thing I can always do it. The only thing which was making me alive. However weird it sounds. When you struggle with anxiety, depression, memories of the past still hitting you. Love self esteem, in fact don’t full yourself, there is no self anything in me. I do not believe in myself. My art is for sale and nobody wants it, so it means it is lousy and I so wanna burn it everything but it is drought so I can not. I have no 5000 DKK to pay for it, and I am too smart to know that it would easily burn half of my Island, at least… but I want to destroy most of them so much.

Forever…

I am in the lowest point and still digging, covered with tones of mud and trash, and others dreams which I should be a part of. And of course others thoughts which somehow strikes me even through internet. Because humans are evil.

It will never change…

And nope, it is not calling for help… it is my life. Because when you live with all that mess for you whole life, you can decided… to let it go, or to accept it. I chose the second way, and decided it is a part of me. But it is so hard to get someone who gets it. Even those who struggles with the same, even artists and scientists… they should know better, but the truth is, you can easily hear: just smile, and go for a walk, what pisses me off. Exercises! Fuck! I do it 5 days a week!

Internet changed everyone in doctors, coaches and all that stuff of people who are always ready to say something but never listen or… read. Read and understand what they are reading…

From sunrise til sunset

Really… I could not sleep, nervous, panicking… so I done it.

Simple.

Or insane? Because in fact it was such a crazy, full day.

I was planing it for autumn not late spring! I mean really, but I am always sure that the time will appear when it wants to. It always happens so…

Always.

Still, remember one thing. Here since June until about late August our nights are quite bright. Even very bright. We do not get this deep darkness at all. What is really sad and makes me ill.

But it is how it is.

I can not do anything to change it, so… I am joining it. LOL Joining this sun running through the sky. Burning, hot, painful sun…

And the sea of course.

With all those amazing, fresh green, almost fluorescent, soft, lovely seaweeds.

Which with full day changed into this.

Amazing dance of waves, greenery and stones. And sand of course. And saltiness. Oh my, maybe it was a very cold bath, but also so awesome!!!

And then… after all this work and craziness, me jumping into the sea, screaming, then coming back… colors came…

They always amaze me.

Even if the sky is not very cloudy, and there is lack of funny shapes, there are always those shades, colors and weirdly warm coat which is covering me. Burring me under this weird happiness which I do not feel.

Still.

I done it. Took me many hours, but I done it. And guess what! I could not sleep again! Oh my, WTF!!!

Summer and poppies

Sooo… Happy Summer!

For those who are happy about, what probably is everyone except me.

I mean really, ow the heck someone can be such a winter, or mixed autumn and winter. Because this is who I am. Really. I do not feel comfy with summer. In fact even as a kid I was waiting until it ends and lets me come back to school!

I know, weird, right?

Even with all those green woods, and long grass and fruits and veggies and maybe swimming… with all those birds learning to fly, deer coming to my garden and of course poppies.

Yup… poppies.

Amazing redness disappearing from our sight.

Because I still am mourning fields of poppies in which I could play. Poppies singing when dried and shaken by winds… Poppies amazing with all those wrinkled petals, fragile, still so strong. Poppies and cornflowers.

Yeah… how hard it is to find them nowadays.

Happy Solstice Everybody!!!