Things…

For me things are important.

My books, which created me, full of knowledge or fun. Stones and scented candles. My magnets, and post from friends, which I got…

Things are important for me, so do not tell me, that loosing them in leaving the mold house, is nothing. That those are only material things. Nope. Not for me. I am animistic. Some pieces are alive for me. It does not mean I keep everything, but a snow-globe I got from Olli few days ago will be always a memory of first guests in my Gulehus. New, yellow home. Home… truly home.

Don’t tell me it is not important.

Saying that you humility me, you are condescending. You do not know how my broken mind needs simple things to survive need to kill itself.

So stop.

You are only repeating things running in this society for ages. Nasty things. Which should make me feel bad, make me feel having too much. And trust me, two soft chairs and two materaces on a floor is not too much! And it is all about books which were about ages old and collection ones…

… so you know nothing about how much it was worth.

And yes, I am mourning things. Because sometimes when I take something in my hand, I feel better. And I never had anything coming easy. I had to work, fight, I do it everyday, so just stop. I can have a different view at this thing, life, everyday. We have some kind of freedom… I think?

Or maybe not?

PS. And loosing the paintings which were the most important to me… it is tearing my inside apart. It is pain… it will not go away quickly.

Lund in spring 7

Of course I had to see the cathedral.

Come on, be here and not sneak at least? Yes, of course I was scared that the mighty heavenly fire will kill me, but still…

I had to. But the walk towards the cathedral with all this neon green grass and flowers, spring playing with the sun…

And the architecture… calmness and somehow gardeny feeling.

It was amazing.

And all of the sudden…

Here it was.

I looked back, but there was no escape. Points for new trees, though!!!

Sooo… I went. And it was so blue this day. The white, grayish stones were so blue.

I mean really!

And that light, bit apocalyptic or maybe another resurrection. Hope not Annunciation. No offense, but this is not for me.

Witches do not like it!

LOL but, for the first time I came almost inside. Or as inside as I could.

And looked around.

And looked up and towards me.

And could not stop watching…

Just watching…

Not even breathing…

Looking up.

And throw…

Even the glass was fascinating, and up… OMMI, I am so coming there for a stronger inspection. You can not hold me. No way… I feel some smoke, yup, this is my witchy soul getting bit too warm, but outside, maybe it will let me watch those pieces closer? Maybe it will let me play with my camera, maybe… t.b.c.

Lund in spring 6

A lot of guides recommend strongly meeting the locals…

We tried… ducks very bit not into it, but hey, they are ducks, they can do what they want… to be honest, people in Lund seem to be really amazing. Although we met only few of them, still, especially the lady in a cutest shop ever is truly an angel.

But today, when in fact I should be finishing moving and starting tiding up the old home, which seems to look really… dead. I mean really, like someone took soul out of him, and… I am scared of it now.

First was he.

Oh I bet they prank you often, poor one.

But here they are… oh I wanted see them so badly.

Sorry for my lazinest. I will redo this post later… here is the link

Of course they were brought here…

Of course it is a form of a museum…

But still…

Isn’t art of runes amazing?

And the view they have?

Truly amazing.

Magical, although also jut a language.

Never boring.

Never.

Staying here, standing here… is somehow… not just historic…

It is like a portal to Viking era.

Yummy.

Very yummy…

Now I am hungry.

Hungry for coming there back!!! Please!!!

Lund in spring 5

It was so magical.

Maybe because of this all knowledge around? Or books?

Maybe?

Maybe because of people or old buildings dealing easily with this all new shit.

Very easily.

Or because it was spring…

People were in love, flowers blooming… sun shining.  But still not too hot.

And of course the green was being reborn.

Yellow and green… and the blue sky and birds who were drinking…

A lot…

Or were just…

Naughty?

I mean really naughty LOL

Oh my, this place has this SOMETHING… and has a lot of it.

Truly.

Oh yes… they were taking a bath too.

Naked!!! LOL

All those sounds of birds, quiet conversations, flowers… was so calming.

And water…

And of course art!

Because it is always about art. An image, a person, Viking… emerges from the stones, looking around… he can not see you. Yet. Lundagård… middle of the city and what? Manpower? Or maybe as some people say: “Carbonite-frozen student (Arenamontanus)“? Or “I want to break free”? In fact it is Mannen som bryter sig ur klippan, created by Axel Ebbe in 1918.

This sculpture is created from a piece of granite and in fact is something what author reconstructed from his previous work called “Fragment”. This piece was in fact a gift from the city to University in 1918. Professor Carl Georg Björling called it: “exploring of a human thought which tries to blurt out from mater”. Others said it is a student trying to came out from darkness of ignorance.

So perfect for those days we have now. Well, this piece in fact is fun for students here. Parodies grow bigger than those daffodilles. The most famous one was created by Oscar Antonsson in 1946 r. Well…

Students need fun too.

Although I preferred less fun more work. LOL

Anxiety… and new home.

Sooo… yes, I finally have it.

Next to depression, Asperger, autism, eating disorders… I have life behind me which was not fun. In fact, I am not sure if I ever felt happy. Maybe once? Maybe once I was really close to that feeling. I mean that true happiness.

Yes, I am one of that people who hide. In the past I would be for sure a nun in a closet convent or a hermit.

Simply.

Really.

Truly.

I was thinking about writing this post, because I was mentioning those things but in fact never said everything. Is it a right time? Nope. Will there ever be one? Nope, for sure nope never!!! But there is something I will say… For a long time I was unaware that it is okay to be scared of things, moments, people. It is okay. There are people and pills which can help but being, preferring to be alone, or only with this one person you love, is okay too! YAY! Here is the revelation!!!

Being alone does not mean lonely.

Come on.

I have so much fun with myself.

But now my huge dream came true and… I can only feel fear. I am aware most of you do not get it, but this is how my mind see the world. I am on meds. I am trying to teach my mind, that it is okay. It is our safe place. And nope, none can harm us here. Only we can. Each other. So maybe some peace treaty?

Come on mind…

We have a lovely place to paint and do not have to open the doors, and a table to hide under… we can be and not be. Yes, it will be hard. To be honest, if we will not start to sell art, we will be eating grass. Literally. So I need you. Need you to help me work it out. Look at this home. Our home. No furniture – we can not afford them, but we have old bed and a new table, one chair…

… but also finally a place to put easel in.

We can do it.

We must… must try at least.

To be honest none can help us. And if we can not go outside and take photos it will be okay. We will exercise more. We will work in a garden, and work on bogs and paintings and… yup, can not afford paint, so you got to survive that green and “redrum”… yeah, we have a redrum LOL. But it will be okay.

I know we have dreams, we want pieces to make it truly our home, but we can do it. We are stronger than we think and if not… well, we tried at least, right? We always try to the end. Always do even more…

Yeah…

… for the first time in my life I have a home. Mine… I own a home. A place and some land, few trees and flowers. If you can own trees, because sometimes I think they own me, really. LOL… especially when I plant more from a seed.

Soooo brain…

We have 3 ways… which one will we/I choose?

Lund in spring 4

And then… there is that fountain. In fact a tiny park in a whole complex of small woodlandy/gardeny, quiet, peaceful places in the University area.

A moment of breath before or after exams?

Imagine sitting here after a big one. When the whole fear is gone and the happiness calmly covered your whole body… This is Lund University’s main building, which was designed by Helgo Zettervall and opened in 1882. Guarded by winged female figures… described as sphinxes? I would call them Nike… or maybe Harpyiae. Ready to bath with you in a fountain, to celebrate winning and youth, or ready to snatch your victory, or maybe take away sadness?

But it is me.

This water, birds, flowers…

It was so warm…

And we were not alone.

Because this place is one of those which remembers…

But is also ready for new stories.

Discoveries…

The fountain was also designed by Zettervall..

Great architect.

During spring it is surrender by flowers…

Water droppings and birds of course.

And students.

Just because.

Oh, those memories…

Did I mention birds?

For sure I did.

LOL they can be naughty, can be poopy, still gorgeous.

But the fountain…

Lund in spring 3

Sooo… I was walking.

Just walking and touching old bricks and stones…

Windows were blinking to me and feathers… yup, there was a whole bunch of feathers.

You know… spring. LOL

Spring in the city.

Old one… but still so vibrant.

Still so happy of people and all this what is going on around them.

Somehow grateful for noticing how lovely it is.

How adorable.

And all those feathers…

Yeah, I know, China blah blah blah… still, those feathers were real.

And those trees.

Blooming like crazy.

So fluffy. So amazing after all those days of darkness and naked branches.

With this blue those yellow feathers were like a perfect example of the famous Swedish flag.

And then again this clean white and black…

Maybe not so clean lines, but remember that those homes are a bit wonky… bit bend. Bit… like they were trying to hear all the stories.

Like older ladies sitting on benches… you know which one. LOL

And yellow again.

And then, suddenly big city with an amazing fountain…

And flowers, and an amazing magnolia tree.

Still not fully open.

Waiting… for a perfect moment.

For one more ray of sun.

Lund in spring 2

The weather was fantastic.

Still cold, but spring sprung and everything was ready…

Everything.

And there was not too many humans, only a bunch of them in a caffe… only a huge group warming at the cathedral wall…

Or holding it?

No idea…

Still… all those walls, streets, so inviting…

Trees waiting, grass green…

And again… architecture.

Old, strong, still holding on.

So mesmerizing.

Sooo… like home – okay my home – still a bit different.

And those windows and the sky so blue…

I mean, when you travel by ferry and have a seasick, you really appreciate the ground. Soil. Bricks. Something not moving.

Normality… yes, I like normality. Regularity. Just love it.

But also, some craziness. Funny chairs, people laughing.

Bicycles…

And whiteness.

Oh yes, there is a lot of this pure… okay, here maybe barbarically taken away, but still… whiteness.

So… taking us into another world.

The world which I can breath, what is so surprising.

Because it is still a city!!!

Lund in spring

Okay, I adore Lund.

Yes, me scared of cities adores this one. Mostly because it is one huge university… no offense, but I would gladly take my PhD here. If I could. They have the oldest hospital here, of course Swedish one and Archaeological Museum…

Lund University is also one of the oldest… established in 1666 got to be. Same with the town which was founded probably around 990. Not bad for north, right? But for sure the most visible part of the city is the Cathedral. Build between 1090 and 1145 still strikes with its whiteness of stones, and grayish light and…

Maybe its youth what is feeding all those old stones?

Maybe…

Or maybe just this weird quiet vibe…

Because even with all those works being on since… 2017? Or earlier…

It is so crazy interesting. And I do not talk only about history. Truly… this time nope. Okay, mostly old stuff, but also…

But there will be also…

LOL in fact I have no idea what it was… what kind of being coincidence created… or maybe, there is no coincident? LOL

I mean here everything is a bit slower and I always have not enough time…

For everything.

Like for food. Okay, I am not a foodie but still…

This looked more like a temple.

Truly.

Just walking those streets… I do not know why, but most of them have this amazing vibe which hugs me.

And I am so grateful for it…

So grateful.

S Ugglarp 2

Like they knew you…

Knew why you came, knew what you have done…

What you were up to…

Like…

They all were in fact humans stopped for a moment which changed into centuries.

Many centuries.

Some of them are resting…

Some still are ready to fight.

Some gave up hope…

And some are literally watching you…

Look at this face.

Just look.

I mean, this place in unbelievable!

Huge, calm, still so loud.

The wind is howling, playing with fresh grass…

Spring is here and they all are like… ready to wake up.

To do something.

But what?

What can they do?

Is the ancient knowledge still necessary? Are there still people waiting for them.

Like the Terracotta Army…

Is there anybody?

For sure this place is an amazing one, ready to be seen, ready to be thought about, ready to stop… and at least look at those amazing buildings.

So clean, colorful, fresh…

Haunted?

Maybe? LOL