Tulips

In fact… tulips. One of the most popular flowers in the gardens here around spring. Also, we do have one kind of yellow, smaller, softer and more fragile tulips which are wild and amazing… you can find them around fields, meadows and surrounding woodlands. Like little sunny protectors…

But for now, those common.

Red…

Somehow for me tulips are not only colors and shapes, but mostly this amazing, perfect mirror like, lacquered skin… they are covered with.

Just look at them.

Always so proud, so straight on. Like little soldiers, or those ladies who you know will never like you… yeah, welcome my no existing self-esteem.

There is something in them… something more than this spooky, ALIEN like inside. Something what, if you are brave enough to dry those petals between pages of your favorite book, will stay with you forever.

Something magical or only creepy? See… I am not crazy about spring. And spring flowers are not my fav ever but still, there is something unspoken in there. Something so secret, something fairy tale like. Something…

Although they do stink!

Spring?

Yaaaay!

We have sunny weather again and warm weather and… Yaaay? Ney! Yeah. I am one of those working only around zero of Celsius. Sorry, yes such weirdos live on this planet too. Yup… we are very rare, but we are here.

Beware.

What does it mean?

Well… I live on an island, so it means tourists back and even more people looking like strangers, weird cars, older gentleman in very ancient cars trying to date/pick up someone or something. End of quiet, begin of loud dragons moving soft lawns and cutting tiny heads of daisies, oh my they are screaming… I mean daisies…

Sad time. Sunny time with amazing light and brightly blue sky.

And yes, I am not impressed.

Because this sun is like liquid, golden pain. I am aware of the Sun changing recently. I mean recently, change it like into 20 years. But in few years, in last few years it started to be more exotic, much more bright. Yup this is Denmark, but the truth is we have a very special climate, so it is much more like crazy hot if not in a shadow. You can get some cooling breeze, but… got to get it. Got to find it! And this is not an easy task. It may hide, may follow you, may disappear again…

But the sun… it is painful. And it is so weird for me to be covered all way around when most of people goes semi naked. But I have no other option.

Is it an allergy?

I do not think so, more like me again being sure, that changes in this Universe we are living in, are much bigger than everyone says. That the activity of lovely, bright rays, is so much bigger. Even my strongest herbs have burnt leaves. And I feel dizzy. And in fact yucky, and nauseated… okay, I am coming back to my dark home. No way, I am so not going out today. Unless it is for swimming. LOL

Go out

I mean…

Why it is so hard but also so easy? Why I can find twenty jobs to do, but also just put pants and boots on and leave it everything. Will I have more to do when I come back? Probably. But I will do it anyway…

When you have depression and anxiety since like forever, you can do 3 things: try to accept it, fight and live, go to a doctor and fill up with drugs or… end it. I decided for option number 1 with third one always on my mind. I can do it always. Tried all those drugs, pills, talking was never an option. It went bad… What always works is accepting it and telling lies because people always ask why you are so scared unable to get it that there is no reason. I just got to not open my doors and stay under my table.

Hide…

Why I do not feel it in the woods? Of course I will jump up when I hear a noise or hide if I see human, but still… nature is logical.

Not stupid.

Humans are the opposite.

Woods, rocks, wilderness is friendly even when it bites. But sometimes I can not… just put on my boots, stop thinking about work and just go out. I can not. Something stops me. I can fight, but also, maybe I can just accept it, that I am unable of doing it? Because I am old enough and live with myself for long enough to know when I can not go out. When more exercises, work and staying home is better for me.

Because the only thing is to listen to yourself and to learn yourself. Not fighting. Maybe I do not love myself, but a least I know that I am the best fun for me and also am the worst nightmare. Really. But fighting for woods, rocks and all this wilderness is important. So if you are more “normal”… go out. Look at this spring, leaves, flowers… find out what their names are because we forgot them, touch them, smell them, admire them, cuddle the bark. Kiss standing rocks. Leave TV and internet alone.

It will be here when you are back.

I promise…

Under

Blooming fruit trees.

The most amazing part of spring. I mean really. Smell them, lie down under them and let those tiny petals fall on your face. On your body, your hair.

Cover you, change you into a sleeping beauty.

Be a part of the soil waking up and jump high when ants come. I mean really high!!! Sorry, this is how it works. But still, in that moment I so wanted to stay there forever. To be a part of this amazing petal rain. Of those surroundings.

Okay, tiny trespassing, but trust me, there was nobody. And I did not touch the house. Tiny cottage hidden behind this fairy tale entrance.

But I just had to.

See, this place is somehow calling me. Calling me during snowy winters, blooming springs, green summers and colorful autumns. Everything here is just soooo perfect. So connected together. So calm, not mentioning the road which is stick to this… Somehow, even during busy season, here everything is so calm, so different.

So touching…

I wanted to stay there, under those trees, snowing me all around and on me with all those smelling petals. I wanted them to cover me, bury under the huge pile. Wanted to breath them inside of me, and never let them go.

Never…

I wanted, but… it is not my land. Not my forever place. Not mine. Not mine trees, although, somehow… well, nope, but still, needing my attention? Making them sure, that they are welcomed, hugged, amazing, like they forgot. Forgot that they are so important for this planet. Like someone told them: we do not need you anymore.

Why?

Why people treat trees so badly?

Try it, stay under them. Do not try to fly them over, jump over, think over. Just be a part of the world we all are in. Try it. This is the best time.

Mustardy

Is it still most fancy of colors?

Mustardy one?

You know, a bit diarrhea like… I watched few vlogs to be fancy and cool, and suddenly heard that. So, I am still not fancy, but laughing a lot.

I mean really?

That kind of color? For me it suits only nature. And appears really rarely. And guess what?! I was in a perfect time and moment to got it on photos. This softness, velvety kindness. Weird sweetness… like melted fudge!

So candy like, cake like… pound cake. Oh yes!!!

In fact the sea had all those lines lovely melting one into another. Perfectly combined, although when you look at it, and a human… well, you still wanna add more black. Or is it only me? Can a human being look good in such colors?

Would you choose such painting?

Paint such walls of your room?

Still, this amazing mixture of perfectly smooth sand, seaweeds and some pollen created together and amazing picture. Perfect for a background, and perfect just how it was. In a windy, but semi warm day.

Sunny, still not hot.

And all those cute swirls created by waves and sand… I could just sit and watch, and of course got wet, because I always get wet.

Always!!!

Because somehow the sea always touches me. Always finds a way. Somehow. Even if I try really step back, and step back again… the sea comes to me. To tickle, to cover me, to make me a piece of itself.

Simple.

Am I saying NO? NOPE. LOL Because there is so much beauty in nature and the sea makes a huge part of it!!!

Enormous even.

Blue light again

I know two kinds of blue light… okay, in fact even tree if we count the winter one, but… the summer one is very hard to catch. It is a bit deeper than this spring one and darker. And of court you got it only between rains.

Before thunders come…

I got it last year and oh my, it was stunning. But the spring one is so amazingly fragile. You want to cuddle it, touch it, pat it, even maybe adopt? Like a lonely puppy? Comes around 16.00 maybe even later, depends on the are you are… but worth of checking, forth of fining. Worth of diving in it with your camera… and nose.

Because this kind of light is perfect for blooming trees.

Just perfect!!!

Imagine this light, shadows, all this… time full of questions and answers. But also this amazing smell. All I wanted to do was… to stay there forever, under those trees, washed by this setting light. To just lie down and in fact wait until those white petals will over me like a saint Snow White! Just to be between this changing trees trying to be quick enough, to be on time with this longer winter, still confused…

That was an amazing moment…

Spring woods

Spring.

Time to wake up, get green, flowery and happy… I think? It does not work on me, sorry. Somehow winter is much less depressing for me than spring. With spring I feel this weird anxiety, that I have to be happy, I have to be all joyful and boring like Instagram photos of feet on beaches…

But still… the woods, rocks still covered with green, fluffy, soft moss are just purely fairy tale like. I mean really. Like from Tolkien stories or maybe even legends, giants fighting with gods, only because they got bored with humans… and all those new ponds which are calling for offerings…

Anyone has a spare virgin? LOL

Oh my, I can see all those woodland beings. Tiny creatures, but also wild animals. Oh yes, few minutes after taking this photo few deer babies came to say “halo”, and scared the shit out of me!!! LOL

The trees.

Those so fluffy, those so bent, they all loo like dancers who were somehow frozen in time. Look at this amazing leading role, oh those roots, those smooth branches, and girly ladies looking at him, like at some holy picture, some saint being… or worst, huge sign SALE in their favorite shop! LOL

And finally… colors.

Blue sky, dead branches creating deep, brown, smooth feeling and those fresh, so green, so vibrant…

Spring woods create amazing spaces. And in fact not only flowers are important. This light, those tiny pieces which in your mind sing a perfect song, wake up an amazing story or maybe, just give you giggles?

Woods are amazing.

For me they are so much. Amazing cure for so much, place for exercises, for inspiration. A mighty place to hide… a moment of turning off everything in my head. I mean really everything. Of course humans here can be something disturbing, but still, maybe today I will meet nobody?

Maybe?

Best before?

Dreams have the most weird “best before”.

I mean really.

Just think…

Imagine this, your dreams and crazy obsession now being true, not those you have now in your head, but those when you were a kid, maybe a few year old wanting wings, or big boobs. Yes, you are looking at your boobs now, and suddenly you get all read because bigger mean a nightmare.

Just… imagine this.

Nightmare, right?

Dreams have best before dates. Some of them we have to forget even. And some of them, those about running away from everything, come so often. Come and then disappear, to come back again. Why we so create our lives, that all we want is being somebody else? D you have it sometimes? Because… I do not. Not anymore. Maybe I had it ages ago, maybe I do not remember, I forgot. And when I wanna run away from somewhere, I do it. Yup, it can look rude, weird, or even strange, but I do it. I do not wanna be trapped in a situation i can not breath. Of course I got to deal with “musts” but… and if I do not want to open the doors to my home, I do it also. If I wanna hide under the table… yup, you can find me there, but in fact you will not see me there, because I am home.

In my safe place.

Old enough to know, that wasting time is never a good choice. Eating ice cream outside is awesome when no one is criticizing you how much you weight etc… People hurt, so you can prefer them ancient and dissolved… You can dream about ancient burials and in fact not caring about so called now… because this will pass.

Everything will.

And dreaming is a must to do thing, but reality can kill it very easily. Still, you can easily kill the reality, but do not tell it to her! She can be nasty.

Spring maidens…

I call them spring maidens, because for me this is who they are… those fragile, but also strong and certain of their desires and dreams… dressed in white and bright green, beautiful, similar, but never the same.

Spring maidens.

When in groups they seem to like each other, but in fact, one tries to outstand another. Do not even bow, when winds make them, the same. Spreading this whiteness around, but also… trying to look better than those on the right and left, and behind them… There are also those lonely ones, which prefer to stand up tall and straight on paths, under trees and hidden under fallen branches.

Who prefer to just be alone, with themselves, but most of them create amazing carpets. White and wavy. Beautiful.

Looking at them is such a huge inspiration. For weird stories, fantasy stories, for those about convents and those about running brides. About gods and goddesses which never forgot their servants… but also about farms of perfect feminines. About this weird, ideal womankind which has everything what definitions say.

Just look at them.

Anemones… windflowers… This year they appeared here late, but we had late winter, so no surprise. and I could spend hours just lying down on the wet moss and take photos of them. Because there is something calming and in the same time energizing in them. Something so magical. So wintery too…

Another old mill

It used to be so simple. Two buildings, one for a small mill another for fishing… amazing stonework, thatch, woodland…

Beach so close, the river quietly singing.

Or after heavy rains bit louder…

Simple.

But the wheel is now silent. It only can whisper stories about heavy duties and fun… about birds, tiny rainbows created by splashing waters… if you are ready to hear them, if you open your heart for the past.

… about people waiting, kids swimming, trolls and home dwarfs being so busy… ladies in long skirts and headscarfs. With faces smiling to the sun and blue sky, looking for first touches of spring. Like me now.

But also about renovations, songs, lullabies, stories, gossips…

People meeting here old friends, chatting and picking up pieces of bread, some dried or smoked fish… and something to drink. Waiting for some flower. So called simple life which in fact made everything so arty. Somehow ladies had time to cover their homes in flowers or create pieces from yarn which are still so hard to be done…

Simple life…

So why we made it harder now? Not that I wish to come back to times when toilets where wooden, outside… but still, why such rush?