Samhain

I could put here definitions, news, quotes. I could… but I will not. We all have Google, and books. Yes, I mean that paper shits between to hard covers, or only a bit harder. Books. Yeah… no buttons. LOL

I could do a lot. Tell you about my Grandma, things I can see because I am mental, or like indigenous people say… special.

I could…

I will not.

And I am not sharing my candies. In fact… do I have any? I mean really? Do not think so. Sorry. Nope. Nada!!! I start to think about Samhain and Halloween. People carrying light inside of veggies. In fact also on my Island, but on islands light was always important. For those on the sea. To make their road home clear and visible. To make them aware, that we are here, thinking about them, waiting… loving.

Especially when the sea is so crazy like this.

Am I against Halloween?

But why? Nope.

Go and play… still raised in Middle Europe, somehow I do not get it walking around and asking for sweets. I try to imagine adults I met as a kid, and me asking them, dressing up… OMMI, that could be insane. From one side it is cute right, all those dressed people from other, asking someone for something only because you painted yourself i yellow and are now a Minion is weird. I think it is more like USA thingy, what is a bit funny when you think about Salem and all those black dressed protestants. 

But fun… we need more fun in this sad, full of bloody massacres world.

We really do.

So play, have fun! Smile! But go away from my chocolate!!! LOL I keep my ghosts, spirits and all those unseen close. Very close.

Wind

On an Island it is different… more free, mote naughty, just… more.

Wind can be crazy. Can just make an appointment – forecast – and start exactly about this hour and end about the one it was said, or… go crazy and full, big surprise. Mess your hair, dress, mess with your thoughts, mind. Even make your depression deeper, what really sucks.

Wind… simple thing, right? Natural. If it is a cool breeze during a hot day, you feel grateful. When it is a strong hurricane wind, you are scared.

Still, it is only… wind.

Just air.

Jut… breathing.

But, who is breathing, o farting…

Who?

Today we have strong, stormy wind. My Island is shaky, trees dance and bow, and you can really not walk properly – there is a drunken idiot option only available, but also… oh, those waves. They are amazing. That air and those leaves creating amazing tornadoes. Oh my. All I have to do is… let go. Just take my heavy bag off and let it push me, make me fly… just take me away to another world, where I could hide.

Because now all I need is to hide. Maybe I should open one of the gnome’s doors which we have in walls? Because, you know, we do not have wolves in walls, we have gnomes here – nisser. Playful, amazing, magical… They always cook something tasty during such deep, windy days and nights.

I get it.

Do not gt it, why they are not haring…

Sooo… it is windy. Really windy, and only a person from another island, living by the sea can get it, how crazy this time can be. How messy, but also how cleansing. And how creative also.

JUL JUL JUL

Oh yes, HO HO HO!!!

I am one of those annoying people who whistle carols all year long, who are already prepared with cards and some gifts. Who always have snow globes around, and play them, of course if they have music attached… and lights on, and of course one of those always waiting for snow.

That annoys so many.

I do not get it why? It annoys me if you go to hot beaches, but I am not saying it. Oups… just said that LOL So why saying: winter is cool, makes me evil, because suddenly I do not think about cold animals and humans. And all those problems. Really? You haven’t heard abut a heat stroke?

Although… why annoying? I am not forcing you to join me, I am just waiting… having hopes for nice, thick winter. My own dreams. Why it is so inappropriate for so many? For me liking hot weather is insane.

And sunburning.

Traditions?

Time?

Fun?

I am having fun, although I so do not care about time. I want to smile when I want to smile, when I feel it, when I am in a mood. Not when there are proper holidays… I do not work on MUST!!!

Still… why am I writing about it? Because around Samhain/Halloween there is a huge quarrel in Europe. Some yell that it is not European holiday, that it should not be fun, some just wanna have fun and bake some pumpkin pies… and some just like the decor so can finally buy fancy and cool pieces to their homes. But also there they are those yelling about Satan and all this stuff, and about not remembering our ancestors… Fuck you all!!! I remember my Grandmother everyday! I can smell her creme in the air, and even now have tears in my eyes… I do not need a special day to remember her, and know what… She hated that day 31st of October and even 1st of November. She was so into baking those days and being close, so this is what I do. And yes, if it makes me a worst person, so… let it be!!! I will light up my Jul candles, have my Santa all year on my counter and reindeer and stenbuks all around… because I love them.

Winter is the reason I deal with a whole year!!!

So fah lah lah lah lah… And really people, do what fancies you, and in fact do not hurt others. You know, running around with a chainsaw, and having a massacre nope, but not being interested in some holidays is really okay!!! So if you do not feel it, are not interested in it – do not do it, fuck the pumpkins, play with leaves, buy a new plant to your home and dress it in flowers. Go for a walk. Run or write, paint and read. Because you know… reading is EVIL LOL It makes you smarter and helps you to get it, that life is what you are living now. Nothing waiting for, nothing future tense. Although if you need to take a wee, go. Just go, please. LOL

Really, none is here to destroy your private space! Kick those assholes out!!! Create your space and life by cleaning… unwanted.

Unwanted everything.

I am not waiting for 21st and 24th of December. I am having it now!!! Just because I can. See… all you can do is being pissed and why? You do not even know me!!! Why do you care so much? Why?

Hygge

Sooo… recently it is all about this Scandinavian style of: life, resting and having fun, dressing, and whatever life is about… AGAIN.

Surprise, surprise, surprise… I live in Scandinavia. And I still do not know what it is all about. Truly.

Checking around… people here buy this what they can afford, mostly poor, they can afford what is on sale or, when it comes to island – what can be here delivered. Or bought in few shops. Really. Okay, there are old cute cottages, and wood, and stone, but mostly it is just… like in every other place in the world. Using this what is. Imagine Scandinavian style in Africa where there is only sand and sun… and maybe some mud.

… still.. when it comes to hygge, it is suppose to be this special word, one and only, special feeling… with everyone stressed about regular things like other people and low alcoholic beers… I still do not get it!

And when I drag myself thru Sweden, all I see is IKEA and humans from other world thinking this is the proper Scandinavian style, I get messy. I mean really messy. Because it is another crazy urban legend, created for sale. To sell weird books, which are suppose to tell you what you already know, but you prefer when someone with a weird title – like master of mindfulness – tells you this. That it is better to have less, that cleaning everything just after using is better. And removing nasty things and people from your life is good. That you can not love someone, that you can eve hate!!!

That nature is awesome.

And woods can kill you and heal you, you choose!!! That you need some free time, turn of your phone, etc. And of course, no worries, no stress… Oh fuck you, try not to stress when someone tells you: DO NOT STRESS OUT!!! Oh… just give me some fancy weapon, from Grey books! Nice whipping could be fun!

LOL

PS. Another person informing me about that HYGGE book, will be cursed. The one about Swedish way of cleaning, will got chicken pots! I am not kidding. I am so over people thinking there is someone, who discovered something new! Talk to your grandma and grandpa. They will tell you how to live.

They know it.

And come to my Island… step into a regular cow poop or sheep dropping, sit on a wet rock and watch the sea changing. Hug trees, swim naked – on those special beaches of course – and just stop thinking about others creating your life.

Take your life, smash it, cut it, sculpt it and be your own artists, creator with a sign: NOT FOR SALE!!!

Happy or sad?

Did you notice, that sad art is much more popular? That it is so fancy and cool to add a very miserable story to your portfolio? And black and white photos… oh yes, kids with huge eyes, dropping tears…

Why?

Why sadness is so much more touching than love and happiness? Yes… truth is, that as human beings we remember somber moments easier, much better. We are able to take them out from us in every moment.

Why?

Is my art sad?

It used to be only black-white-prussian blue so somehow was sad. Now… my depression is still strong, my anxiety and all that nasty sad is present and happily dancing inside of me… but still. I need colors. Now colors are my sadness. Colors are my expression. They are this what is going on inside of me, not meaning that I am so joyful and rainbowy. Not dressing pink shorts ad lovely caps…

So? How is it? What is going on?

Is happiness more superficial ad sadness elegant and deep?

Is it all about it?

Yes… I started to paint when I was in this black abyss… and I am back there. But does it mean I am a better artist? No way! It can not be? Or maybe is? Because in fact every biography of an artist includes this part about unhappy family, childhood full of monsters, illnesses. So, maybe it is it! But whatever it is… it does not make is more fragile. You got to have balls to create art.

Really!!!

PS. Still all my art – paintings, photos 150 DKK, paypal, mail – is for sale. Really. LOL

Roots

Do you know yours?

Is it still important?

To know if you look like your grand grandmother, or maybe to have thoughts and dreams like her. To have her smile, or grandpas eyes. It sounds really spooky when you think about it deeper. To have grandpas eyes. You know. HIS EYES. Like Igors from Terry Pratchett books. LOL THE SAME!!!

Perfect thought for Halloween!!! LOL

Still… how is it with you.

How it is with your grandparents? Do you know them, who they were, whose were they parents, and then… their parents, sisters and brothers? Can you create a family tree, or can you remember? Like ages ago, when people cold describe who his grand grand grand parents were and uncles, aunts and cousins… Nowadays it seems to be even inappropriate to ask about family.

At least I feel so.

Sooo… do you smile like your grandma?

Have grandpas pimples?

Or maybe like grand grandma you are a writer, painter, artist? You love cucumbers or hate them, or maybe you have obsession around apples and cooking?

Because I am missing a half of myself not knowing who my father was… and it is painful. This is how you discover that families are important, but also huge pain in the ass!!! LOL But you do not have to live too close to them, to love them…

… nope.

Times are different

Oh so often people say it, but you know what… in my sweet “unimportan” opinion… it is not true. Not at all. We just ONLY have different toys and decide to do things differently, to just show off, and then come back to old stuff.

Every generation wants to be so modern, so okay, and of course leave something behind but the truth is, except few innovations: the wheel, writing, etc. nothing fun has happened. Sorry. A phone?

Oh please!

Writing and reading… masterpiece, but… who now reads and writes? Truly? When, last time, have you read the WHOLE article, book, post? TLDR? Oh how often I see it. Maybe you need pictograms? Drawing of a human washing dishes will be enough? Enough to say, oh poor woman, why is she doing it, being a slave of a man…

Oh my…

Nowadays whatever you do you will be judged. Know this meme about a pair and a donkey? Oh yes… me too!!! So what? How are your toys? Are you still obsessed by them? Or can you go with me to the beach and spend hours checking stones and driftwood… for free? Like in stone age?

Sooo? LOL Because times did not change, only dates are different, toilets – only for some people, I still do it in the woods…

Here comes the striptease!!!

Sooo… yeah. Of course I am aware of something called click bait. Of course. But it is not one, I made one. I mean not a click bait, a striptease!!!

Number one… to make it clear, I am old enough to know my body is not perfect, and it has marks, and my exercises will not change it, and… really looking at me is not a wonderful experience, so I just assume nobody is doing it. None is looking at me, because there is nothing interesting there…

But…

Yeah, it was all again about standing stones. I love them, even with this grey weather, I need them, I made sacrifices, I do crazy dances – dressed, and I go deep into the woods, and come back with unwanted passengers. Very big with millions legs – okay I am exaggerating, but still… They were everywhere under my blouse and shirt and in my bra, so what could I do? I stated to undress. Got to free those guys, right? Do the correct thing. Be ecological!!!

Luckily for me, undressing on a wooden path, there was none in sight, but you can never be sure. I bet I heard laughing, and other weird noises!!! LOL

Remember about my crazy YouTube LOL

PS. Remember all photos are for sale, those on Facebook IBornholm and Kobaltowa Wrona too 🙂 Paypal (150DKK), mail and you can print is as you want 🙂 Whatever size you want. So please… buy them, do not steal them. Bigger size is better LOL And I am a poor artist. Crazy poor… And of course I am not talking about photos of my face. You are not so crazy to want it, right? LOL

And if you can not, at least please click on those commercials, that is money for me. For more writing, creating, and mostly for my research about Bronze Age symbolism of a hjulkors. Cross in a circle… LOL I promised myself that I will not do it, but now I am struggling, really. And I do not have sponsors I do not promote anyone because they paid me for it. If I like it, if I believe in it, if it is truth, I write about it, that is all. Nobody pays me for it.

Silence

There is so many kinds of silence. There is this one before… and after. There is this one which appears when everything is so loud….

Silence before a storm.

Natural and wavy or this one, more human…

Silence.

Are you able to deal with silence?

No wind, no birds, no people… no sounds, no TV, music, computers. No fridge talking weirdly – yea, mine talks, I have no idea in which language… maybe fridges got their own languages? Maybe? She is old and rusty, but still working. So she talks and sings, and even creates poems.

My Island creates this special silence before windy day and night, before big waves coming. This is the silence which you can physically feel. Which aches. Which in fact is so painful for your mind. It is like… everything was off and suddenly you hear you heart beating, blood in your veins Danica, and you start to wonder that it all can stop, and…

Yeah, a bit horror movie, right?

Soo… what is silence for you? Because for me… it is really complicated. And I am okay with it. LOL

Sleeping…

I love to sleep. I am crazy about cushions, blankets and all that stuff. I love dreaming, living i this other world, which I try to change, but of course my brain always wins and make them weird, funny, scary or just too strong…

Still… recently I had problems with sleeping, so now I am trying something new. Not staying up late, no reading, and then waking up around 10a.m. I go to bed just around 11p.m. I go there and… surprisingly, for most of times, falling asleep and…

… getting up really early around 6-7a.m. Not that I want to. Not that if not waken up, I would be doing it.

Of course I was hoping it will change my owl side. But nope. I do not work more. I sit down and look outside. I am of course productive in the beginning, but still, I should work more. Finally should have more time, but nope!!!

How is it possible?

Time still wins.

Runs like crazy and I am not a cowboy to catch it with my lasso.