Fjällbacka

Ingrid Bergman, Camilla Läckberg.

Oh yes, they are here. Ingrid Bergman used to live here when coming to Sweden and Camilla, well, she was born here, and keeps killing people living here. LOL I mean really… in her crimis!!! I read few of them, and now standing on those paths and roads, keeps getting weirder and weirder. This city is so empty! Maybe she killed all of them already? Maybe I was not informed?

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Still… we got red huts and awesome – I got no idea how they are called – but looking cool. You know, those wooden poles. And of course the sea.

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The mighty sea.

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Amazing sea and scary sea. It is sunny and hot, I would love to take a swim, but those white ladies… are too spooky. And painful, I bet!

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And then suddenly a starfish comes from the sky. Luckily – thank you Mrs. seagull, not on my head, or my arm, or me at all. But such a huge starfish? And we are on the north! I get it: currents and warmer seas, but still…

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So crazy.

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And so cool.

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So calm, and smells differently than mine sea, but looks so… much more deeper and more scary. I do not know why, but those green blobs which I can sea from this harbor, small islands full of huts and boats… scares me.

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Really.

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The whole city is just adorable. Full of tiny, cute details.

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Even post boxes are cute.

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And look at this home!!!

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I bet there is many artists but they are not so visible like on my Island. Or maybe they just disappeared? Or maybe will reappear with summer?

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Or maybe crayfishes ate them all.

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You know, as a revenge for this! Maybe…

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Still, I go up. Because of course Fjällbacka surrounds a huge rock. Or rocky mountain. Will I go up? Will I gather all my strength and hide my fears and go up… oh my, why I had to choose the harder way? Why I always do it?

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Oh yes, because of this.

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Views. Oh my, I am on a top of the world! And it is hot and I forgot to take my backpack with me because it was suppose to be on;y a short trip. I should learn already, that it never is. I need water!!! Help!!! And my battery in a camera is dying…

Why?!!!

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Will this church, forgotten and in fact not saint at all to my not smoking skin, help me? Nope, but the shop will. Oh well… If you want a nice trip, find this on a map, google this place, come and have fun!!!

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Hamburgsund

Strange place.

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In fact you drive here sooo long, that it – city – appears so suddenly. And smells like rivers. And mysteries. And stories. And new beginnings. All I can see are new buildings and few old cottages. Red little huts by the water, some boats…

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And a white church, to which you can not just go, nope, you need a ferry! An amazing, big, 2 minute ferry! Yellow and orange, and where everything is surrounded by the setting sun, by the rays and this deep light, somehow you feel weirdly not in place. Lonely. There is no people. Few cars waiting for a ferry.

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And we two… just being curious.

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2 minutes and we can touch the church and think how it was years ago… because now Hamburgsund is just a building place ready to be filled with new homes and cottages. All made from wood. Almost all of them only for those coming here for summer. A bit lonely, a bit sad. I turn around and all I see is rocks, some water and boats.

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Where the heck am I?

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The sun is setting and the darkness here is like at my Island.

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Deep and quiet.

And only sea monsters are singing… and when the bright and really hot day comes, everything looks so differently. So still not alive, but more like a place ready to be filled with wives from Stepford.

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I mean really.

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Still empty, few more cars. Still quiet. I like quiet, but this quiet is like after the Mighty Kraken eaten all the humans, just because he so wanted to try the white meat. It is beautiful, but not wild anymore. It is a huge construction site. New buildings so wanna grow up, and fill this what was a nice emptiness, wet and wild.

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It sucks.

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Sweden

I remember Sweden…

… free country with people running around naked. I mean in waves, whole families so free, so different than middleeuropean me. With strict rules and all that stuff. I remember Sweden, where people wanted to run away to. i remember, but I do not see it now. Now I see rules. Wooden homes and wooden people. I am warned because there is so many thieves and we should not react if an accident happens, because it can end deadly for us. I remember, I gt my rules, so I help someone with his dropped coin, older person, with hands full… and suddenly I feel, I done something wrong. I feel them watching me. I know I acted differently. Weird.

Unsafe.

Those people trust no one.

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Wooden people, wooden homes, smooth rocks. No fields, only green meadows and birches everywhere. And those rocks. Huge, smooth rocks. A bit weirdly frighting me when I am driving the highway. South of Sweden is a bit more kindly for me. Somehow a bit more like my Island: free and wild. Here I feel lonely and scared. Even when we left the highway, and were driving thru simple roads, all those green walls… somehow was not right. There was no people. Few cars.

No elks!!!

And I need a moose!!!

And those wooden cottages, so pretty, some of them so red, and barns standing on… rock piles! Wobbly so. So red. Everything looks like just made or just destroyed. Waiting for someone to move in. Waiting for someone to make it a home? Or maybe all humans have disappeared? Maybe I was not informed about apocalypse? Because even in an apartment we will be staying, all I can smell is wood. And behind the house is a huge rock. I mean really huge one!!!

I am scared, but to tired to care for it, and too excited!

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Homesick

I know…

I promised you my whole journey and it will happen, prepare map of western Sweden: Hamburgsund – Bohuslän, Tanum and surroundings. It will happen, but first… I will tell you about something what I discovered.

It was not such a huge surprise, I know my Island is a jealous Lady, I know I saw pieces of the past which were amazing, stunning and breathtaking… I even touch the rocks, which where touched by people ages ago, but still, all I had in me was She. My Island. I was so crazy homesick, that even water burnt me!!!

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How can it be possible?

I was following one of my dreams – part of my PhD – but still all I could do was thinking about Her. My Island. That this or that looks so similar, that it we have there, only smaller, that… She is better. Was it that umbilical cord which grew from me to Her, or more like from Her to me? Was it that weirdness in me, which is really one and only?

I mean really?

Am I lost without Her?

I really think it all happened because I found home… place where I feel wanted by rocks and nature, place which is stunning, place which do not harm me. Place which I freely call home, so… what do I need more? Of course traveling and touching all those ancient pieces was amazing, but still, I missed You! My Island!

Very much.

PS. I took few pieces of Her with me – my backpack was full of stones from my Island, still it was not enough. Not this time! Maybe it was too far away? Maybe 5 days is too long without Her? My home was so cold, and so sad. I could feel it when I came back… Cold not only because northern Europe is cold this time of year, surprisingly. I like cold, so sorry, but I am okay with it. And you know what? We spent 5 days up there, on the higher north and it was so hot for 3 days! Sunny and over 20C in a shadow!

Earth is changing climate… again.

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Choose it…

Sooo, from time to time you choose a dream, and try to follow it.

Things may be hard or easy, you never know before you start. First choose it, then, just go. The sea may be a bumpy road, but you got pills for seasickness and music in your ears and you can watch those waves go up and down and down and up, and making holes? I mean really? I bet I saw a mermaid, or at least a tail. Okay, still your brain waves, because it knows you tried to trick him… yeah, I have a weird male brain LOL and moves inside of my head, what scares me, because it means there is a lot of place, and I may be a bit brainless? Oh my…

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You learn new colors, new shades of grey, black, green and blue. You learn that they all suit together, they can mix but in fact they do not have to. Remember this. Do not try to write it down, every move makes your brain figuring out again, that you are on a ferry, and somehow, it remembers, and no pill can make him forget about it, sorry!!!

No way… he is smarter than me!

Yes…

I will take to thru my another journey in few next blogs. Be prepared. And no worries, we will stay on a ground, in fact, more like a solid rock! LOL

Old one… ancient even, or maybe the one which just stepped from the sea…

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Tree of Dreams

Maybe there is one… somewhere. If somewhere, I bet it grows on my Island… The Tree of Dreams. You know, the one producing seeds and fruits which fly all around the world, and bring dreams and ideas to people.

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All those tickling thoughts you can not put somewhere and think about them later. You just can not. I bet some people are waiting for them with nets and baits. But how to call them? How to allure them? Maybe a song could help? Or a good meal placed on a terrace? Or maybe… so, how do you do it? Where your dreams come from? Or maybe they are born when nobody is looking, expecting, and of course, is ready for them? Maybe we got to be so unprepared… Oh yes, the best dreams and ideas come when u fall asleep, right? Oh yes, I know this pain.

But this tree… maybe I am right? If I find it, I will let you know! LOL

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Trains

Oh yes, I had a weird dream again… about a train, with weird or more like interesting and special people in it. Which suddenly changed into two houses, and one of them was built from a nice, old red brick. Do you know this deep redness, carmine like of old bricks. When they were made with hearts of innocent souls?

Okay, kidding, come on!

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So there was this train, and two homes, and the red brick one was covered in fresh, wild lilacs. I could smell them, I could play with them, I got no idea what was it all about, it had sense when I was dreaming, but them I woke up starting to think about my grandma and… crying. Sorry, but she and trains… See, ages ago, like 30 years ago and even more, trains were the only way to transport yourself from point A to B. I remember using them often, spending there hours, days even… and they were so full of humans. I mean stuffed with them. Still… you did not feel hate, or weird thoughts, all you had were cool conversations, and you could leave your kid for a moment, or even got sick and bot be worried, that someone would harm your kid. I remember once my so called mother got sick, very in a train, and they treated her with some weird stuff, and strangers were taking care of me. talking to me, feeding me… Oh yes, those days, when you could have a sandwich from a stranger… and in fact be okay!

I mean really!

I remember Girl With Glass Bottles… oh her mother was so posh and a Guy With A Magic Potion… in a paper bag, so for an adult me it is now obvious why he was so chatty. I remember so may stories, and eggs. Oh yes, hard boiled eggs were always a main menu when on trains… but on the end, in a total darkness of the night was my Grandma waiting for me with a huge scarf. And we were walking to her home, where I always felt safe… the only place.

Sooo…

Trains.

My Island had them too!

We still have these buildings, now museums or just regular homes and railways leftovers… you can still hear it somewhere between the rocks and trees. You still can smell it. Oh my, do you know, that trains were slower and i fact sounded differently. Oh my, that was the best sound to meditate and fall asleep…

Calming, regular, normal… I miss You Grandma.

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1st of May

Oh… I remember flags and all those marches. Maybe I was a kid, but I do remember hat madness. And then changes. Now… still it is Labour Day. International Workers’ Day… big words, big signs, still in fact, nothing changed.

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So I decided to celebrate it with work and lying on a bed of flowers. Because I can. Because in fact the world is so complicated now, that all those political or more like sociopolitical holidays are just painful. Sorry, but if in this world it is better not to go to school but have a weird account on YouTube and make movies about grocery shopping and make up… well, I prefer my bed of flowers. Because my Island is blooming like crazy. It is sunny, but cold wind quickly makes you look for another sweater.

After Beltane Night everything seems to be so much calmer. So much more chilled. Walpurgis Night was amazing! Windy, but you know… nobody cared! The sea looked amazing. All those shades of blue and turquoises and of course neon greens from seaweeds… so stunning. And this freshness of water knowing much more about life than we do… Nature is amazing, although it itches sometimes! Young stinging nettles can be really ouch! So be careful.

And go out… into the nature where life sings! There is inspiration and calmness and joy and all that stuff your body needs.

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Another weird dream…

This one started between two others.

It never happened to me. It was like… it pushed between that weird guy and a prince, and things which I should not write about, because they were too naughty to be below 18… and a dream about a train, a place in it, where there 3 men where looking into 3 mirrors. And hen they turned to me.

Or maybe it was not me, because I saw none in those mirrors…

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And then this dream came in.

2 cars following, driving too fast, 3 men and one of them was for sure Mrs. Doubtfire… I mean Robin Williams of course. And he was screaming. I got him, I would be also if someone stole my car, when me was sitting on that bike which was attached to the back of this car! You know, cars have those things where you can attache a bike or two even, or maybe three. So… he was sitting there screaming, there was that thief driving and one car with a guy I could not sea, and… we suddenly all stopped by the river. So dirty, so smelly, so acidy. And a bridge. I got no idea how it has happened, but cars stopped, Williams started to yell at that thief who in fact was his friend, and thought it was is car… and things started to fly and stop on that bridge… There was a pendant, a stone, keys to the car, and something what I now can not remember, but somehow I was the one stepping on this bridge which started to collapse. To fall apart. So I got the pendant, medallion in fact, which was for a little boy who nobody else except me saw, and then the stone, and suddenly Robin Williams, who – consider this – was a professor of paleontology noticed a huge rock and said it is the biggest discovery of ages, the mostly biggest dinosaur footprint… and I was trying to get the keys for that guy, his friend – specialist of wind energy… got no idea how I knew it, and I was falling and suddenly those 3 men from that train appeared. And one of them said he loves me…

I mean really.

He found some palette and it was suppose to make me safe, he touched my hand, and fall in… with all that love. Into that dirty, acidy river and I was so close to fall in it too, but… it changed, because he was The Spirit of All Waters and made it clean. Because in fact the river was not dirty, only lost its spirit, and trolls under ridges were sick, and elves and all magical creatures… and suddenly the second man said, he is my best friend, and third one, well, something more, and…

That blue river, which I dived into changed into a river man hugging me and giving me the most amazing stone ever. And… I was slowly waking up, so I knew it is the end, but he was hugging me so sweet and carefully, also I was breathing because our heads were above the surface… And all I could feel was love. The LOVE. The ultimate one. The true one. The perfect one… and waves were so warm, so fresh, and I could hear the sea, being so close, and woods singing…

PS. I really did not watch or read anything similar to this!

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I got stars…

No worries, I did not hit my head or had too much wobble juice as my friends call it… I have them over my head.

When I look around I see small cottages and greenery. Fields still empty, but most of them is green. Ready to bloom. And trees blooming and bushes. And the sea of course. This is what I see everyday.

But this time of year, well, there is something more!

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In a windy night I see all those stars, I see them, I wave to them and I feel so naked when they watch me. I mean really, think about it, about all childish stories, which were describing boys on moons or star people. Don’t you feel creepy from time to time. What if our imagination is able to create our fears… Okay, I am not talking more about it, now to the poop!!!

Oh yes!!!

Because this time of year my Island sadly smells often like shit. Okay, I will be precise… like guano and manure and dung… you know, natural fertilizer! But still, it smells. I got no idea why, but I do not remember such scent from my childhood, and I was at farms in my young days. Maybe because it was dried first, maybe because it was differently redeposited? I got no idea, but remember, this time of year we smell like salty sea, blooming trees and bushes, fishy a bit and manure…

All naturell!!! LOL

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