1st of May

Oh… I remember flags and all those marches. Maybe I was a kid, but I do remember hat madness. And then changes. Now… still it is Labour Day. International Workers’ Day… big words, big signs, still in fact, nothing changed.

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So I decided to celebrate it with work and lying on a bed of flowers. Because I can. Because in fact the world is so complicated now, that all those political or more like sociopolitical holidays are just painful. Sorry, but if in this world it is better not to go to school but have a weird account on YouTube and make movies about grocery shopping and make up… well, I prefer my bed of flowers. Because my Island is blooming like crazy. It is sunny, but cold wind quickly makes you look for another sweater.

After Beltane Night everything seems to be so much calmer. So much more chilled. Walpurgis Night was amazing! Windy, but you know… nobody cared! The sea looked amazing. All those shades of blue and turquoises and of course neon greens from seaweeds… so stunning. And this freshness of water knowing much more about life than we do… Nature is amazing, although it itches sometimes! Young stinging nettles can be really ouch! So be careful.

And go out… into the nature where life sings! There is inspiration and calmness and joy and all that stuff your body needs.

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Another weird dream…

This one started between two others.

It never happened to me. It was like… it pushed between that weird guy and a prince, and things which I should not write about, because they were too naughty to be below 18… and a dream about a train, a place in it, where there 3 men where looking into 3 mirrors. And hen they turned to me.

Or maybe it was not me, because I saw none in those mirrors…

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And then this dream came in.

2 cars following, driving too fast, 3 men and one of them was for sure Mrs. Doubtfire… I mean Robin Williams of course. And he was screaming. I got him, I would be also if someone stole my car, when me was sitting on that bike which was attached to the back of this car! You know, cars have those things where you can attache a bike or two even, or maybe three. So… he was sitting there screaming, there was that thief driving and one car with a guy I could not sea, and… we suddenly all stopped by the river. So dirty, so smelly, so acidy. And a bridge. I got no idea how it has happened, but cars stopped, Williams started to yell at that thief who in fact was his friend, and thought it was is car… and things started to fly and stop on that bridge… There was a pendant, a stone, keys to the car, and something what I now can not remember, but somehow I was the one stepping on this bridge which started to collapse. To fall apart. So I got the pendant, medallion in fact, which was for a little boy who nobody else except me saw, and then the stone, and suddenly Robin Williams, who – consider this – was a professor of paleontology noticed a huge rock and said it is the biggest discovery of ages, the mostly biggest dinosaur footprint… and I was trying to get the keys for that guy, his friend – specialist of wind energy… got no idea how I knew it, and I was falling and suddenly those 3 men from that train appeared. And one of them said he loves me…

I mean really.

He found some palette and it was suppose to make me safe, he touched my hand, and fall in… with all that love. Into that dirty, acidy river and I was so close to fall in it too, but… it changed, because he was The Spirit of All Waters and made it clean. Because in fact the river was not dirty, only lost its spirit, and trolls under ridges were sick, and elves and all magical creatures… and suddenly the second man said, he is my best friend, and third one, well, something more, and…

That blue river, which I dived into changed into a river man hugging me and giving me the most amazing stone ever. And… I was slowly waking up, so I knew it is the end, but he was hugging me so sweet and carefully, also I was breathing because our heads were above the surface… And all I could feel was love. The LOVE. The ultimate one. The true one. The perfect one… and waves were so warm, so fresh, and I could hear the sea, being so close, and woods singing…

PS. I really did not watch or read anything similar to this!

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I got stars…

No worries, I did not hit my head or had too much wobble juice as my friends call it… I have them over my head.

When I look around I see small cottages and greenery. Fields still empty, but most of them is green. Ready to bloom. And trees blooming and bushes. And the sea of course. This is what I see everyday.

But this time of year, well, there is something more!

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In a windy night I see all those stars, I see them, I wave to them and I feel so naked when they watch me. I mean really, think about it, about all childish stories, which were describing boys on moons or star people. Don’t you feel creepy from time to time. What if our imagination is able to create our fears… Okay, I am not talking more about it, now to the poop!!!

Oh yes!!!

Because this time of year my Island sadly smells often like shit. Okay, I will be precise… like guano and manure and dung… you know, natural fertilizer! But still, it smells. I got no idea why, but I do not remember such scent from my childhood, and I was at farms in my young days. Maybe because it was dried first, maybe because it was differently redeposited? I got no idea, but remember, this time of year we smell like salty sea, blooming trees and bushes, fishy a bit and manure…

All naturell!!! LOL

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ASMR

Okay, as a kid we had this crazy play, that someone was touching your back and was making different sounds and different moves to touch you only with fingers, or only with nails, or only gently touch your neck… and you was starting to feel good, relaxed, in fucking heaven and when was it ending, oh my, you wanted it never to be end.

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Or when someone was combing your hair, or just touching your head, the feeling was the same. After ages I found out they call it ASMR. Autonomous sensory meridian response, just goosebumps? Or more like millions of ants tickling you somewhere around your throat. At least it is like with me. It may make you really speechless, because it is so simple… all you need is another person.

All you need is a human’s touch.

Gently or harder.

But…

Yeah ASMR is also on youtube. And it works too. Watching someone touching someones head is like thrilling. Or just listening to all those calming sounds. When it comes to me… Baba is my fav ever. I do not have to watch him, all I need are sounds. He is the only one who does not make me pissed off saying: relax!

Really LOL!!!

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Living…

Living on an Island is awesome.

I mean really!

I do recommend it to everyone with huge anxieties and all those who really like to have less humans around and more nature, but… of course we heave THE SEASON. It started. Of course it means all those weird new people coming to my places and looking at me, and others of us who live here all year long.

And we are quite special.

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To say it nice, people living on islands are special. Mostly artists, crazy maybe, maybe even mental… I am one of them, so… I got to tell you something: remember we do not care about fashion. We wear things which are close, or which are appropriate if you paint, watch birds, r take photos in weird places. We do not care about brands, and sorry most of us is… poor. Sorry. We do not care about fancy bags, and sweaters. And we often wear all those clothes which you choose while painting the ceiling or fishing.

My Island taught me that clothes are not important, swimming naked is awesome, and watching a lovely pair of elder people having fun in waves is THE BEST THING EVER! They are just natural. Normal. So… exactly in place. Your gold fancy watch is not in place. Having a roof over your head is the most important, and of course being aware of nature. And only this what is inside counts. Really! Because in this wind everything dries outside so quickly, even poop. LOL So be careful. And watch the sky, because on islands you can see the sky. And stars… because we mostly do not have high buildings. Cool, right? Although Manhattan is also an island, so… you do know I am talking about islands islands, not those weird creations!

So who of you live on an island? Who plans to move?

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Beauty…

“Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.” Zoe Kravitz

“The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.” Audrey Hepburn
“Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld.” Martha Beck
“The beauty of the world, which is so soon to perish, has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.” Virginia Woolf
“The beauty of the world, which is so soon to perish, has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.” Virginia Woolf
There is so many quotes.
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So many of those much smarter than me said it correctly, so many tried to tell us something, so many… and still, those who live today think beauty is only young, fresh and photoshopped. Trust me. When you end 30, you are old. I get no idea how this modern world figured it out, but I already heard that. And I do not get it… because for me the most beautiful thing, no, I can not say it so… the biggest beauty I have seen was my Grandmother growing older, her wrinkles were so soft, her mind was blowing my young brain, and her actions… and her eyes, shape of the face – a perfect beauty!!! And yes, she was old!!! Very old, she died 2 years later.
But I still have this photo.
The perfect beauty…
In fact I think she said it perfectly: “The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.” Audrey Hepburn
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Virginity

Oh yes… right.

Nope, not that virginity, or maybe exactly this one? I do not know, but when I am standing under a blooming tree, I feel so clean. So ready to get married. And when those fragile petals slowly slip on me, I feel somehow blessed. Like I was at the mess or something like it… meeting someone saint.

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Yup, watching blooming white fruit trees – mostly those small plums – which smell fantastic, I feel like I was walking on a sacred ground. Or more like floating above it. Because they are so fantastic. Looking like brides ready to be married to their love ones. Perfect matches… but there is i fact only a moment when they bloom. In fact they start to bloom, and suddenly it ends, you just got to stand under this tree to catch a good photo for a whole day, because sometimes, especially on my windy Island, this happens like it… just in a moment. A moment of virginity. I mean this perfect spring virginity. Which never fade. Which in fact will change into fruits, but still…

Be always only virginity. Innocence. Perfect, white, untouched…

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And what if grooms never get ready on time? What if they stop for too long watching other trees, or be amazed by spring… what if…

What if… oh my it gets so sad now!

But this is what those trees make me to think about!

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Wet Monday

Well, in Christian culture, okay in Catholic one… in Middle Europe Monday after Easter is a wet one. Totally pagan, but who cares. Or more, try to tell someone, that this what they are doing is totally wild and BC, I do not recommend it. But. This Monday, today, is a wet one. The main thing is to wet girls. Virgins, those who are just a step from marriage… you know, young, beautiful and free…

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Of course adults try to have this fun too, but it is not the same, and not the same when it is freaking cold too. Still… I remember being wet, in fact having weird desire to get wet, to even have this whole bucket of cold water put on my head… Yeah, fun is a weird thing. Fun has a long and very fat definition. For some this is fun, for others it is not. Simple. So how to be sure one fun is good for another person? You got to get to know one. Will I get wet today? I did, I peed in the woods and it was windy, so yeah… my fun are woods. Standing stones, archaeology, reading and art.

And maybe snow globes… and bears. And crows, yup, as one of them, I love them totally and watching them is fun. Water on a cold day, not since I have someone to love! LOL

PS. If you wanna ready about śmigus-dyngus or Lany Poniedziałek, check the internet! Of course it is not as it used to be. Fertility, and all that magic is not that important, but still it is a custom…

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Happy Easter

This is one of my secrets.

I hate Easter.

I do not get it, it is sad for me and depressing and in fact I have problems with pussy-willows. Yes, as a kid I put them into my ears, and it was traumatic… none to help a few year old kid, then a nasty doctor… really traumatic. But as a kid raised in Poland, of course there was only one religion…

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And I still do not get it.

How?

I mean really?

A zombie?

No offense, but look at it? The whole grave thing, all those proofs, that HE was really dead. And then up and human again? Really? But okay. I am a nasty kid of darkness winter and all that stuff, but still… or maybe it is only this, that I do not get huge gatherings, dinners by the table and talks… I like eggs, but who has time to really make them precious, and sorry, they are pagan thing.Same with all that green stuff and water on Monday.

I really has no idea why I hate this time so much. Maybe that trauma of a kid who was forced to go to a church which was dark and gloomy and scary, like sitting in an open grave with a body… made of plastic or ceramic. Sorry, but still everything connected with this whole Easter… scares me. So let me just avoid it…

PS. To those who celebrate: Happy Easter, God Påske!

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Silence

I can not work without it, I can not live without it. Weird, right? Especially in this world which is blimping, singing, playing all around. People even have phones by their beds! I mean really! Why?

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When I work I like to listen to old movies. You know, just have them in a background somewhere, and when in the woods I have birds, wind and bugs, and sometimes earphones to pretend I am so busy when someone is walking by. Of course, those are sounds but also… this is my silence.

Or maybe not?

Is it silence or not?

I hate loud music, blimping things, I have everything turned off on my laptop, I do not have clocks, phones… I try to control every sound. But nature is the one I can not control… still this is the one which do not bothers me. Strong winds hitting my roof. Okay. Rain playing serenades on my windows, perfection! Cars and bikes, nope. I live on a small hill when rarely a car is passing by. Where I have crows and seagulls, which can be very loud, but still they are my silence.

Silence?

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