Mental health

So… yes, there is such thing as mental health.

You can break your leg, arm, you can even break your health.

But sometimes something invisible breaks. You do not want to show it off, because it is no fun, and no fun does not sell well.

Right?

Well… as most of archaeologists and artists I am not well in  the head. In fact done some research and this is how it goes. People who prefer bit more dead people choose to be one or other…

Still… There is no secret that I am sick. I can not do so much. I have no self confidence. And I have it in my genes. Yup. Right. And yes, I am accepting that. Trying to use it, although it is hard because I love to be in the woods, but humans somehow prefer to come to close to me…

Or verbally abuse me.

Why? I was informed, that I am such type of a person who always will somehow call them to herself. All those weirdos.

All those bad ones…

There is so much in formations about anxiety, depression, Asperger and Autism and still, nobody gets it. Will you feel better if I say that my last suicidal try was on April. Yes, I just wrote it. I was saved by a dog. Golden retriever…

Yeah, I know how it sounds. Those who love stories about angels for sure have one answers, sooo… yeah.

This is how it happened.

Will it happen soon again?

I do not know?

I wake up everyday and think if I am able to live this day, and I try… and sometimes I do regret. Really. But sometimes…

Yeah.

Nothing is like it looks like.

Not all red berries are edible. Not all people are insanely cruel… although nowadays I met only those bad ones. But I live on an island where we have many tourists, so maybe this is how people act now?

Trolling came out from the internet and dances around.

Why personal space is now like a myth or something closer to a legend than something normal. Respectful?

No idea, still… yes, I do not like people. Sometimes I even hate them. I am aware that there is a bunch of good ones but it is so hard to find them. They hide. And I so get it… so when you are asking me how happy I am because of my new home, I answer… not. Because I never feel happy. I can’t do it. It is more like flying for me.

Maybe if I will jump from a cliff I will get it?

I feel… bad, surroundings in fact are helpful, but… joy? Maybe I will get how it is to feel it, I was close once… but it was ages ago.

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