Sooo… yes, I finally have it.
Next to depression, Asperger, autism, eating disorders… I have life behind me which was not fun. In fact, I am not sure if I ever felt happy. Maybe once? Maybe once I was really close to that feeling. I mean that true happiness.
Yes, I am one of that people who hide. In the past I would be for sure a nun in a closet convent or a hermit.
I was thinking about writing this post, because I was mentioning those things but in fact never said everything. Is it a right time? Nope. Will there ever be one? Nope, for sure nope never!!! But there is something I will say… For a long time I was unaware that it is okay to be scared of things, moments, people. It is okay. There are people and pills which can help but being, preferring to be alone, or only with this one person you love, is okay too! YAY! Here is the revelation!!!
Being alone does not mean lonely.
I have so much fun with myself.
But now my huge dream came true and… I can only feel fear. I am aware most of you do not get it, but this is how my mind see the world. I am on meds. I am trying to teach my mind, that it is okay. It is our safe place. And nope, none can harm us here. Only we can. Each other. So maybe some peace treaty?
Come on mind…
We have a lovely place to paint and do not have to open the doors, and a table to hide under… we can be and not be. Yes, it will be hard. To be honest, if we will not start to sell art, we will be eating grass. Literally. So I need you. Need you to help me work it out. Look at this home. Our home. No furniture – we can not afford them, but we have old bed and a new table, one chair…
… but also finally a place to put easel in.
We can do it.
We must… must try at least.
To be honest none can help us. And if we can not go outside and take photos it will be okay. We will exercise more. We will work in a garden, and work on bogs and paintings and… yup, can not afford paint, so you got to survive that green and “redrum”… yeah, we have a redrum LOL. But it will be okay.
I know we have dreams, we want pieces to make it truly our home, but we can do it. We are stronger than we think and if not… well, we tried at least, right? We always try to the end. Always do even more…
… for the first time in my life I have a home. Mine… I own a home. A place and some land, few trees and flowers. If you can own trees, because sometimes I think they own me, really. LOL… especially when I plant more from a seed.
We have 3 ways… which one will we/I choose?