I am so running away.
Recently running away from everything. From that awful drought and painful sun, and open fields, and… even nature. I can not hide anywhere except my home. But even here it does not work. Even here.
Of course I know what is going on, I am back, again, in that weird place which for me is not dark, because darkness is soothing and safe, darkness is simple, here we all are the same. No differences. No lies. No words and only my mind creating weirdest visions and dreams. Like this one where I suddenly was lost in Russia, and was asking someone to show me the road to Sweden.
I mean really…
Or this one dream, so green, so amazing, but also so dangerous. No road, tall wild grass everywhere, a pond which I am step away, in fact everything around is watered and I could swear I can hear a waterfall… and I know, I will soon be dead, so… maybe this Sweden??? But why Sweden? Is it because it is closer to my island?
Still… I am running away.
Turning off my Facebook, just playing with Instagram but only once a day, just to post something. You can see my posts. There are photos, but not much words. Not like me at all… am I also running away from me? Or maybe I have decided? Finally? Because I am accepting my depression, anxiety, all those disorders which glued to me, but the rest of the world is in this point when they are ready to say: take a pill or just rest or go for a walk. Are you fucking kidding me? I am with me for a long time. I know how to use those soft activities. I exercise until my mind turns off, but only for a moment. I have documents turned on to only not listen to myself.
Am I also running away from myself? But I am good in being myself. So maybe I am only running away from this world. And now the world around me is full of tourists which are rude an scary. So, maybe it will pass, but what it is wont? What if I fail again? What if… well, if so, I will be in this madness. Madness also is a part of this world. deal with it humans!!! If one door open, others can close or be open, or lead you to a fucking dungeon. So nope, do not send me all those stupid quotes.
The only truth is what you feel now… the rest is the past which my mind changed, and the future which, well, for a poor someone sucks. Yes, it is also a pint when I wanna invite you to my shop! For me selling my art is now everything.
Contact me for smaller prices!!!