Sadness

Sometimes… sometimes it happens. Sometimes even I get it, surprised. So surprised. Like stunned! I am sad. Me, who is usually scared, depressed, suddenly get this weird sadness. Very weird one.

Nothing happened, nothing in fact matters, I should be happy or neutral at least, I got my pills but still, I am sad. So weirdly, deeply sad. Not depressed, because it is something totally different, but just sad. Everything is okay, or something good has happened and how I react? With sadness! I really sometimes think we women are crazy. Asked my husband, he never got that. For him there always got to be a reason. He can feel under weather but sadness, that paralyzing sadness seems to be so feminine.

Do you ever get it?

What is weird, when I feel it, my paintings get all those happy colors.

Like I was trying to change myself, to do it in every way, to change it instead of accepting it. Because nowadays you can not be sad. You can be depressed, it is fancy – weird thing, and here I mean being ill, something what I struggle with since I was a kid. But sad. Oh my, how can you be sad… never, you got your imagination, you can not be sad… Yeah, someone told me that! Someone dare to tell me that!!!

Forgetting, that this is my mind the one who made me sad first.

Or hormones.

Or both.

Do you ever get sad for no reason? Do you? Does it happen, and you can not in fact explain WHY?

Does it? And… do you feel guilty because of this feeling?

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