All those amazing wishes on social media. All those photos, all those… well, visions: why it is not me? Why I can not have it?
But do you really need it? Or maybe it is only something you wanna suit to? You wanna be like them? Or maybe?
… how is it with all those holidays? Most of them are pagan. Totally. Now when science is the biggest of religions, they are more fun and being with whose who you love. Nothing wrong with that, right? Or maybe for you it is wrong, because of your religion? As someone who was forced to be a Catholic, oh yeah, that was a nightmare… not only before Christmas, but also Easter and even Fridays. Yeah, my so called mother had those few years – before I could move out and be free – when she yelled at me, a child, for jumping and being happy only because it was… FRIDAY!
So this is why for me holidays start earlier, the most important day is 21st, but still it is not a MUST. For me trying to be as happy… well nope, less sad is a better word describing this who I am – is the most important thing. Now when around a church, well I get dizzy, I get hot, and I could swear… I feel one short Witch burning.
This is why we have the tree, gifts, and in fact everything we want. No must around holidays. Taking a nap, resting, having time for together. Sending gifts, but not in fact gathering with so called family… Why? Because it is painful. Is it why in the eyes of so many I am a monster? Maybe… at least a monster not taking so many drugs!
So please… do not try too hard to be a part of a tradition which makes you sad, depressed and anxious. You can make your own traditions. It is easy. See, people before us created them, we can create some more.
Or erase those existing.
PS. I am aware those things are obvious. But looking at posts and reading few messages made me to write it. Be Elsa! And Let it go!!! During this time I send a lot of mail. I love it. You know, snailmail. Somehow it is so much more real. So much more… human like. But seeing those who got nothing makes me so sad. Makes me want… makes me be that fat guy in a red suit, who gives something to everyone. Really…