Well… recently I am so not joyful.
I am not.
Yeah… evil me, right?
I should be. I must! I should be shopping, be a part of this madness of cleaning, cooking, partying, eating…
But my mind is so far away from happiness now. Sorry. Few thing ruined a month I love the most. The Mighty December. Ad it is not the weather, I love it even foggy and wet, in fact foggy can be so cool for photos… and I love cold, waiting for snow makes me anxious and thrilled, even when I know possibility of having it is so tiny as my salary, which is now… well zero. So… I am not happy. But the truth is I rarely am happy. It is like with friendship. Happiness and friendship and love are those BIG words which for me have strict definitions, so…
Am I at least glad?
Well, I do no know. See, people so complicated like me, so crazy or only sick, are unable to suit into those feelings. Into those descriptions. And into family dinners. Yeah, that was suppose to be a main subject of this talk… joy and family.
I am that evil person who likes to be alone, or only with my Husband, who in fact cuts veins, when is supposed to have dinner by the table with so called family. For me it was never a joyful experience. In fact it was always something so stressful, so weird, so unnatural… so YOU MUST because what the world will think about it. Here is the BIG SECRET. The world does not care about your fancy dinner, diets, and all that stuff. If you feel good with people you love, be with them, if you do not… well, here comes the hard part. It is like with having children – better to say that you can not have them than to say: I do not want to have one, I do not feel I can raise a human being, a good one being, give him or her good genes and home. Yup, blame a disease. People get it. They will pat your back and leave you alone with cute words like: adoption, aunts are good too etc… Oh, and do not say you hate cats too! It is the worst thing you can say, especially in the internet. I mean really. Do not talk about removing balls of furrbabies and all that stuff, I mean really, honestly. If you wanna survive family Christmas, do not ever!!! IT IS THE BIGGEST SIN EVER now. Unforgivable. They may kill you for saying it…
I should put here LOL but I am too scared.
Soooo… why I am writing about it?
Because some people in fact like their own company. They can have fun with themselves – oh this sounds naughty, right LOL – now I can LOL – even those older people. Like my Grandma. In fact She taught me that… how to be alone, and still we could be together. I have it from her. This is a part of myself, so strong, so visible… so hard to get for most of people.
Think… I am an archaeologist and an artist… I like dead people. They talk, but company is less touchable! LOL I must be weird, or just sick. Choose your option, I am learning not to care about it what you choose.
Let everyone have holidays as they want it. Do not push. Or if you are so desperate, just be gentle, try something, but do not make them scared because if so, they will run away! I always recommend post. Old-fashioned one, snail mail. It is perfect, although some people get mad when got cards… they feel obligated to send them back and they hate it, so, be careful too. Hard is this world, right?
PS. Now let me open my parcels from my AMAZING, LOVELY AND ONE AND ONLY FRIENDS which I got mostly on line… Love you all and thank you for being and not touching me! Yup. Weird to say, still, thank you!!! <3 And yes, I love to send post. I do it not only around this time, I try to do as often as possible because it is fun, for me and I hope for them too. LOL