I hate changes.
They scare me, make me anxious, and high up my depression.
But still… I need them.
Somehow, in this twisted way, I need them. I need changes. I need seasons, and especially this emptiness which is present now.
Special for place which are called: vacation spots. Time when those living here finally come out from their cottages undisturbed by strangers. Finally no need to dress up fancy, finally being myself again. Okay, I did not stop being myself during summer, but still I was hiding more. You know… tourists can be really nasty and from few years they started to get nastier and even more evil and disturbing and… just unhuman.
So unpleasant ad even violent.
So now… when I can walk undisturbed, it is like having freedom… again. Jumping from a rock to a rock, getting dirty i autumnal leaves and mud and even poop and… just feeling this overwhelming joy because I can go out. And be alone in the woods. Not counting animals, bugs and few humans like me… hiding. I can see them, but I do know they do not want to be informed about it, so… we just pretend we do not exist. We smile to each other, say: Hi, and just walk away… still being alone.
Oh those changes… we can not live with them and without them too.
I am so scared of them, and I am sure they are coming, running even towards me… but from the other side, I need them, right? Or not? Oh my, this is just a definition of being psycho and a woman. Combined created a totally complex ME. But always one and only. LOL Scared, but sometimes able to fight back, but mostly not. The only one so happy with emptiness around me. With only few lights in the windows around…
Oh yes, and happy because there is Christmas-Jul stuff in shops!!! LOL