Fred og ro…
When I paint I need it! Or maybe I always need it? Just calm wind, rain dancing on my walls, I mean on my cottage’s walls, I have no walls, really. No roof either. My cottage does… LOL
So I need it. No loud music, just some whispers, just some thoughts. And it is raining today, what makes me both lazy and creative. How the heck is that possible? I mean really? Or maybe possible only for women? Because we can be really multitasking. I mean really… Sometimes we can burn something, but still, we rock!
So… what to do? I will just go out and taste some rain. It is so inspiring! So… unusual after all this heat. I hate heat. Catching some drops makes me smile. I mean really smile. Somewhere from this deep place inside of me which detests to be happy.
Peace and quiet is rain… a weird window or maybe a mirror which was created by raindrops on my terrace. Can I jump into it? Because looking into, nope, thank you. I do not feel good with mirrors, they are too often… watching me, and showing… me!
And it really sucks!
PS. Is my mind weird? Yup, it is. And I love it LOL
And I love my friends who bring me treasures from their journeys…
Two pencils and cool bookmark, and you know I am crazy about Ancient Egypt LOL
That is not a news, right? LOL That is not so uncommon either… I think? So yeah, I am married, have someone to be with, to join lives and all that stuff about bees and buzz, right? For good and bad… you all know, but…
I was recently informed, that I am weird even here. Because all I wanna do is to spend my life with Him!
Is it so surprising? So why did you got married? Why?
I wanna be with Him, not thinking about shopping with friends, I am thinking about Him! If I think about my friend, I got Him, if I think about doing crazy stuff still… Him.
Maybe it is all about it… that I am not good with living people. But wait, my Husband is not a zombie or a vampire. I think He is still, you know, alive. So why, why he is the only person, I can be with? I can trust?
Nope, he is not watching games with friends, no way! I am that selfish. LOL And talking about his hate to football is not a point, right? We are a family. Small one, but still, a family so we do things together! Why it is so weird? What the modern world thinks husbands are for? Blaming? Yelling? Or maybe…
Why people – both sexes – find it weird, that I wanna spend time with Him? I married Him, did it on purpose! So why… this is so weird for so many of you?
Living on an Island makes you different. You can just pack your dinner, take some water and juice, and swimming suit of course, and go out… be in fact on vacations for a moment. Only for this one evening. This is so cool!!! Maybe I can not go out for few weeks, maybe I can not afford it, but still, hey I can go out, and pretend!
I spend yesterday evening on one of my favorite beaches. Sandy, amazing, long, a bit hidden. With this HOT HOT HOT weather it was so refreshing to just… swim, sink a bit, dive, touch the sand, and then come back. Jump with waves, be amazed by all those colors of water. Blue and yellow, a bit green and light brown. How is it possible? Yeah, of course I do get the light playing with seaweeds , stones, sand and waves, but still… this is so cool. Like a tribe of unicorns dipping their horns in this waterly field, and… yeah, maybe this is not the best idea, right?
Beach for me is not a place to sunbath. This is just boring, and too hot. Beach is a place to… dry a bit! And get sand everywhere!!! I am to ashamed to tell you where I have it now!!! I could never paint here. Never! But all those colors, shapes and shadows are now inside of me! YAY! Inspiration is tickling me… in weird places too!!! And soaking in water is soooo cool!!! So cool!
I mean really? Have you ever thought about it?
Is it only procreation, or maybe something more? Gods and all that stuff? Work, learning, meeting people, finding new or just discovering the old?
I bet you all know that story of an older person telling what she/he regrets now, when dying… working too much, forcing weird stuff, being not himself. But still, even if, what really is life about? I mean really?
Or maybe there is no meaning?
Or… it is so hot, that I can think only about things which do not matter? I mean really? For me this life is first. I feel strongly bind with the past, but except few weird dreams and memories, I do not see myself as Cleopatra or King Tut! So… I am not an expert, right? None is. Sorry…
Maybe doing things which make us smile is okay, or not if we are murders and bastards? Oh my, I need to stop thinking that hard with this temperature! Really…
I do not like cats. Okay, i am aware they can be fluffy balls, but still, nope! I just… no, thank you. And yes, I tried. A cat of our neighbor felt lonely. Yeah, that was weird. From one side cute, from the other, I felt like a fucking slave!
Of course I can cuddle with one… stranger. But still, not for long, and more like someone was forcing me to do it. Because everyone is doing it. Because that small fluffy ball forced me to do it. Even if you try to go, they stick to your legs, usually also in the painful way! Oh my, those small close are like needles!!!
Now everyone has a cat, or more like a few. Young couples got cats. Okay, I get it, but why the heck now I am informed that if I do not have cats, I am a lesser person? Really? “Every person should have a cat, because cats make life deeper and more human like?” I mean really? WTF? I was taught that ladies usually ask me: why you do not have kids. And never are glad with response: I do not like them, I would be an awful mother, I am sick! Now they ask me, why I do not have a cat…
I like dogs!
And still… I do not have one. Because you got to be responsible for an animal, and that would kill me!
But cats? Are we Ancient Egypt? Pictures with cats, mems with cats… cats everywhere… Those which look like hit with a frying pan in the face are cool. So geometrical. But still, nope. For me cats are just wild babies which should eat mice! Not be closed at home, castrated and… dressed up… What is wrong with you people? You call them your babies and do this… take their freedom?
Of course I know there are floods somewhere. But I am not there. I am here, on my Island which had almost 2 months or drought. Imagine everything smaller than usual, cooked and dried. More yellow than green, and still this is not summer!!! This is just painful. I look at myself, and see it inside of me. Me so very tired, so slow, depressed, so dried out!!! So mummificated…
I bet i got more wrinkles from that no rain months.
But finally it started to rain… maybe not much, not enough either, but here it is… water from the sky. Amazing, warm maybe, but here it is… water. So sweet, such a lovely partner to dance. One two three, one two three, one two three… waltz? Why not, but then something more crazy! maybe Makarena? Come on, it is raining, jump!!!
Oh my, all that music. Raindrops keep falling on my roof, windows, walls, leaves, terrace… every one is such a cute note. I bet they have an amazing conductor somewhere. Come on rain, do not go away! I love you, please stay for few more days! This amount of water is not enough. We need a bit more. Please! Stay!!!
Is it because of me?
Okay, I will dress!!! LOL
So what we see? I mean really? What do we look at, or just peek? Watch or let the images just mirror in our eyes? What is it? Do we all see the same, or maybe we are scared of our uniqueness? Maybe?
Women see more colors, more details, men see totally different. That is so cool, that we are different… but when we look at something, why I see colors and shades and my Husband not? Why I sink in reflections, and he is just happy with a sunny weather? He likes red, me not so much…
To see, widzieć, se, sehen, videre, ver, видеть… but what do we see, I mean really? And do we see only with our eyes, or maybe the whole picture means see, breath, touch. Watching photos in fact is not the same, like seeing it in front of you, right? Is it important just to look, or in fact see…
More? Or maybe less?
Why we close our eyes, but still have them… pictures inside of us? Why we still somehow see, even when dreaming?
Homo sapiens sapiens?
Well, when did you call yourself that name? Because in these modern days when you ask: who are you… you get weird answers.
I am a vegetarian
I love running
My bike rocks
When someone asks me this question: Who are you? I shudder and start to mumble. Because I do not know who I am! Really!? I do not. To tell in one word who I am is impossible. You need a whole fairytale to get who I am, I am THAT complicated!!! LOL In fact I do not get it how people can so easily use just one word. And also… how they can describe themselves as… eaters or sexual beings? Or those who exercise or just believe. Faith can join imagination, but still, really? How only this is important in these modern days? How?
What if someone answers: I am you?
Because – I am me… fuck the definitions, to get me you need new dictionary and new language!!! Really!!! LOL
… recently I am mostly tired… because of all those definitions, people trying to proof that I am better than he is. Why we can not just be humans? Is it not enough? I think this is kind of special…
I mean really… I did a little research and found all those YouTubers. Those vlogs about… nothing in fact. Of course most of them has sponsors and they are normal commercials, but still, there are also those which show nothing.
A young woman driving there and there, and there. Eating, talking, buying. Why people like to just watch it? I mean really?
What watchers are looking for? I mean really? What? A mistake, or something different than their lives? Or maybe wanna see something where nothing wrong happens? You know, something a bit normal, like everyday, but still… with a good end?
I have no idea. I get the idea of YouTube videos with all this stuff which they got to advertise… but what about all those movies showing only… nothing. You can not learn something from it, it is mostly in your language, and still you watch it? I do not get it! Really!!! Nope. Still, they got paid for it, so maybe I could try… because they are doing something I am totally not taught to do – earn money!
Sooo… who wanna see my life? LOL
This time of year is so fluffy! I mean really! All that grass, fluffy bushes and trees, and of course… fluffy clouds on the sky. But mostly leaves. They are so young, so green in this naive and gentle way. Innocent… With still uneven edges, they are so cute! Like fluffies. So soft… all I wanna do is cuddle. But not when someone else is watching. Somehow people do not get it. Do not even notice that there is not one shade of green.
Green can be soft, fluffy and a bit more crazy when young!
Try fresh grass. When did you… I mean when was a last time when you were trying some young grass? Of course I am not talking about THAT GRASS! Come on! LOL Just about simple, meadow like. Hard to find a meadow these days. So sad… meadows are so fluffy too. Like young birches. There is so many kinds of grass, weeds – NOT THAT GRASS again!!! – tiny flowers, bigger flowers. So fluffy.
Spring is fluffy!
Is winter skinny? LOL