The Place

I sometimes just call it the Place.

The One…

It does not mean I have only this one for special occasions, but to be honest…

This is the one very important.



Untouched, although slowly disappearing. Sadly…

The place where standing stones are still somehow free. Where they are still wild.

And where trees fall, stones fall down…

From one side, I cry… from the other… maybe this is how this world ends.

Because this what I feel since end of October is…

Too much and nothing.

Like the veils were not open but more like… not existing.

Was reading that many people feel bit similar, so maybe there is something. Since the beginning of this year we had more fires than in the last few years.

Maybe people really do not care, do not feel more than fake aromas from bottles?


Souls also are gone.

Do I still have hope? Never had it. Always failed me. I have only the knowledge no faith either… But when this place disappear… well, I will also.

For sure.

PS. Photos were take with Canon Creative Shot, no Photoshop.

Colors in waves

Those I love the most…


Colors which in fact come from the deep… okay, not so deep river, but still.

From the unknown.

Just shades, just ripples.

Perfect images, amazing abstractions.

Ready to serve.

I mean really. A pattern for a dress or shirt or maybe a carpet?

Or… a painting.

Of course.

Look at them.

So complicated and perfect in one time.

And so perfectly matched.


I mean I know, nature…

Just nature.


Lying on a beach and watching those ripples was amazing. Have spent here hours just watching them in a changing light.

Because this is how it works when you notice something everyone just passes by… just because… it is ONLY a river.

What do I need?

To be honest? What do I need to live, except clean air, water, food and my place on this planet? What do I really need?

I mean really?

Books, for sure. Reading is crucial.

Then… writing. Not only my blogs, stories but also thesis, trying to rethink the past, archaeology is me…


Bears, moose, yes, I am a kid. Snowglobes and magnets, post, simple letters, writing and getting them… so I need stamps. Sadly… expensive stamps. They are also crucial… not only for Jul.

Soft cushions, my home and bed in it… health and walking.

And stones…

And noticing things which nobody else in fact notices… but this is a part of me, so mostly for me I need me? Weird thought.

And big canvases… Oh yes!!!

My brushes, blue paint… and sometimes something silver. Because I am a crow, come on, I need my shiny things.

I do.

Is it much?

I do not care what you think… those are pieces I need to live, so moat it be! I want them. Okay, most of them I already have, sooo… okay, maybe two soft chairs, small fluffy carpet, 2 sofas and 2 bookshelves… and we are even finally furnished.

Okay and white paint for walls… which are still green. LOL These which are blue as we wanted are blue, but… For now… and for later, I figured out that people could find my home somehow minimalist. Empty even… weirdos. LOL

What do I really need? Light and time to work.

Because this is what I love… work.

Blood on the sand 2

And all those pieces, leaves not leaves…

And all those snakey shapes and maybe bubbles inside of them..

And this mysterious just being here, on this white, soft sand.

I mean…

How is it to just be on the sand and wait for something, maybe someone, to come?




Simple and natural, life…

On this precious, amazing sand.

Where everything looks different.

Where everything is a fairy tale.

And tiny bits and bobs of seaweeds are coming out from it, peeking and checking… is it now, maybe they ask…

Is it this time they were waiting for?

Is it?

Or maybe not…

So… bye. LOL

Bye from the sand level.

Blood on the sand

Sometimes there is nothing… only sand.

Sometimes it is so clean that you think it is salt, snow…

Sometimes… there is no sand at all!

And sometimes… yeah…

There they are.

Seaweeds and sun.

And the whiteness of the sand…

Innocent sand, where something took a battle.

And lost…

Still leaving… the beauty.

Amazing, breathtaking in shades, screaming beauty.

On a white, soft sand.

I mean this shade of redness, almost trying to jump on you and be a part of your life even if… you are scared of red.

Yup, some people are scared of some colors. Some have bad memories connected to them from childhood and some… are just me and think it does not taste good. Yes, we weirdos can smell and taste colors and numbers and letters…

But this redness… is just one and only!

Over 10 years ago…

I look at the calendars and I have no idea where did that time went.

I mean really. I have no map, know no roads or path Time uses… truly, am not even sure if I want to be aware of this…

Weirdness which is happening.

Not enough cold is making my mind stiff. But finally I figure out that over 10 years ago I have decided, that I know what I want…

Or more like, I know what I do not want.

And even striped sun was not there to stop me.

Or maybe there was one but… I used to live in a big city, where sun was only the light and hot…

Not the colors, breeze, sea… freedom.

Oh my…

I mean really.


This is the world I have chosen to live in. Wilderness.

Maybe we do not have much, but… we also do not have much. Shit… sounds crazy, but this is true. Still, yes, I need money. Because without them life sucks more!

Do not ever let anyone tell you that money do not give happiness. It does. You can buy sweets, cake, drugs… LOL

Or books, canvases and paint.

Or even…

Pay for a place you want to live in, because in this world nothing is for free.


Even time…

How dare you?

How dare you not to have a microwave!

I dare!


How dare you not to watch TV?

Well… same, look up… Yes I dare also not to have TV.

Funny me, right?

No clock, no phone, no…

I used to reset my mind with stupid news, but not doing it anymore… I prefer seagulls and crows. I prefer working, creating, even washing the dishes than new, famous movie… sorry, recently found none which was worth watching.

But books… oh yes, feed me with books!!!

I will go to the beach, and watch them pooping… still better than Twitter.

The problem is… I have few friends on Facebook…

Only ones…

But… still, the woods win with them. I will go for hours between stones, trees, rocks and whispers than… social media.

It is so boring.

Or, just will take care of my own life… you know… cleaning up the windows, loving, writing, creating new thesis… because knowledge, science is my passion, reading, discovering, learning… Yeah, I suck when it comes to this… so called, modern knowledge. Even had no idea that some wife was not white…

Or maybe just not white enough? Who cares? Why I should care? Why do you care about stupid reality shows? Don’t you have enough pain in your life?


I dare to live without lives from the world which does not care about me. Without staged news etc. I dare… Dare you?


Alone or lonely… there is a huge difference in those words.

There are people who just need people.

And there is me.

Me having fun with myself.

I mean really, and not THAT! Come on, why people always think about it?


But truly… myself, my imagination, my personalities… we all have fun together. And yes, I do remember that as a kid I was scalded for it.

For not needing people to have fun.

For not understanding that others do not get it, that I am okay with being me and I am my biggest fan! LOL And also very strong critic.


So on a beach I am the heroin, daughter of seagulls, or just a human lost between sandy crystals.

Because I can…

I figured it out that people need people when I heard my brother asking someone to play with him… I was a teen those days.

That was late, right?

Or maybe…


Because I do see the world differently, Freud and Jung could tell ya!

Too much, for sure.

Life is for me too complicated, by my personality, which is complicated for the most of people, for me is so simple.

Maybe rich… still, can not buy anything with it.

Or maybe?

I can?

And what…

When you do not feel it…

When you want to, have visions, but somehow…

You can not pick up that brush.

You have new, fresh paints, all those colors, you have this picture in you, but still…

I mean really, it sucks, when you see nature and forget that this nature is also… in you. Surprise. Chemically we are one!

You do not suck!

You are nature.

Sooo… come on, say it to you… oh just shut up, I would hit you but talking to myself, even if I do recognize at least 3 personalities in me, somehow removes anything physical. Kicking, slaps… etc.

So… what now?


Life is precious… oh fuck you, when everything sucks you somehow do not find it precious. You need more. You are a creative one…

Nope, I got stop talking to you, I mean to myself.


But I am so cool, awesome and smart, that I really do not anyone else to make me laugh. Truly. Never got those kids who need to play WITH someone. Come on, can’t you just play with yourself? It is easy…

Nope, was not thinking about it!!! LOL


Breath in and out… you can, just stat it. Do it. You can fail, but without starting you will never know… Sooo…


It was a morning.

Usually I truly hunt those from November, but 2019 was really poor in colors, dawns and all that jazz.

This one was the only one I captured.

And trust me I tried many times.

And then that morning had happened… and it was violet… purple, so soft that you just wanted a spoon and eat it.

So magical.

So I grabbed my camera, came back for batteries and then one more time, when I figured put that my underwear may be not a perfect wear to be in when it is November and windy and cold… coldish?

And I was ready.

To run, and then…

To just sit in one place and wait and look for and indulge that softness…

Oh my, maybe it was paste like, still…

Still breathtaking, changing every second.

Not being one for a longer time.

And birds, and low level of the sea and only me on this beach except birds, ghosts and maybe few fairies.

Those sexy ones.

Look at this amazing purpleness.

And red, pink seaweeds.

And… I mean, I know how it works, still, how is it possible.

Those shades, colors, shapes…

Calmness which makes you do not wanna move.