The fish


I made an offering to the sea.

I do this stuff, this is my normality. Nope, this was not my first time, not at all, but still… for the first time I got this response. This special one. Fresh and vital. Although dead totally. I think. I did not put my finger into those bity mouths, nope, not at all.


Silvery-blue one.

Fresh one.

Nothing smelly! Trust me!!!

I gave the Sea chocolate, the Sea gave me a fish. And now I am hoping that it did not meant me smells fishy. Or has not enough calcium and phosphorus inside. Or maybe this was a message more important… or maybe one simple: eat me? Or… well finally the Sea let all my thinking go and move the fish t the crows, as usual around me. They ate it. I had photos, so maybe this was it, but still…

That was so cool, and the fish, well a salmon I think, was so beautiful with all those untouched scales and tale. With open eyes… I know they do not close them, but still. And those teeth!!! Such a jewel. Thank you Sea LOL


Inspiration is everywhere

Inspiration is really everywhere…

I do not get people saying it is hard for them to be inspired. They need fancy tours, dangerous trips and all that expensive stuff like light of diamonds. They need everything expensive, everything in fact odd or fake.



Or maybe I am weird because this is what inspires me: nature and old paint on a snow plow.

When it come to nature… well walking is the best inspiration. Stopping in places you spot something, lying on the ground to get how the smallest can be the smartest and the prettiest. Trees, branches, leaves and roots… sea, waves, sand, old boats, new boats, lines, weird things on the sea I have no idea how to call them…

Rocks and plants.

Dry or thriving.

Birds and animals. Poop. Yup, poop is cool too. Rivers, lakes, fish on a sand… maybe just bones, maybe some skin of fur…


And a snow plow? Well… just look… How could you just not be inspired by it. How could you just pass it by, because it is only an old plow?

Humans? Oh well, I bet they can be inspiring for some of you, for me they are a bunch of colors… white hair, dark, amazing skin… but in these weird days saying it, that I love your white hair, that gene we are loosing, is in fact unsafe. So nope, humans can be for somebody else. Still… how can you see no inspiration around?



Just finished “Touch” by Claire North… you know I love books. Books are a huge part of my life and I can not imagine living without reading. I mean really. Huge part of my life is reading or thinking about books, or writing or even creating weird stories in my own head, but this book…


Well if you know it, you know what it is about, if not, read the description and ask yourself: could you steal somebody’s life? Few days, a week, months, years, whole life? Imagine jumping into nice body, and letting that soul born into it, to sleep, and living… growing up, having family, kids, maybe a company… growing old, and then just getting bored and jumping into another body.

Young again.



And living that body with a woken up soul who though it only had a nap… and in fact years passed by. From a teenager into an older, sick gentlemen. Sucks! Right? But what if you can live only this way?


Maybe just different form of living?

This book is really cool if you think more about it. Of course it could be better, deeper and much more interesting, but… in these days of reading only headlines instead of a whole article, I know this is the only option to make people read, still… It made me to think about my own body. It has wrinkles, is too fat and in fact could have better hair and genes at all. But… I somehow love it. My tiny hands and feet. My eyes and my smile. My ability to jump into imagination and just… be myself. Of course I am fat and ugly, but still, this is my body. That huge scarf reminds me of dying and being up here again…

Could I live in another body?


And touching… well, this is the biggest problem ever, I hate being touch! You should see me in a crowd – there is a reason why I live on an Island – I look so suspicious with my hands in sleeves and of course my head down, hoodie if I can, running like a thief or something worst even… and in fact being ONLY scared.

PS. Read this book, it is a great way to have cool conversations. Maybe nothing really new, but still not bad at all.


What do you…

What do you hear when alone in the woods, and around is this amazing silence? Only some branches yawing, few leaves laughing, birds running errands. What do you really hear? I mean take those ear phones off!

And try to listen…


What do you hear when alone on a beach?

There are sounds of course, the sea sings its amazing song all the time sometimes louder sometimes quieter, but it never stops. Even when that smell kills you really, it i still the same song; so what do you really hear? Your heart beating? Your veins and aortas pumping… skin sweating, hair getting crazy with this wind?

What do you hear?


Is this really so bad to hear yourself? To be with yourself? Can you make yourself laugh? But I mean so really, that your tummy hurts? Can you make yourself smile, or just joyful? Can you entertain yourself? Okay, hands on a duvet… I was talking about something else LOL


The only doors

Do you know this moment, when you wake up, but not truly, and for a moment, for that weird second you just know, that everything is okay. No problems, no pain. No sorrow. No mistakes, nothing to repair, nothing to sew back. Just a moment, but when it happens, all ideas are still with you. This what you dreamed about is still here to be written out, and painted out… You still remember every piece of that night. You know you can make it. Create a masterpiece. Truly rich and touching.

You know you can do it, you are able to…


And then those doors close and you are trapped into reality…

What if we could remember? Wouldn’t it be too much?


Snow snow SNOW!!!

In fact a snestorm. Here snestorm is a snow storm. You know, time when snow falls and wind blows and everything changes, become sticky… when you change outside into a snow monster just in a second. Of course if you manage to stand up.

Perfect time. Suddenly everything is white.



There are no windows clear, more like my whole cottage becomes a huge snowball. Weird thing. You can not open the doors, because wind wants you to stay inside. Not to damage this amazing, perfect arty creation of snow petals and blowing.

And you… you are inside.

Somehow, if only the power cut is short, you can do everything and not be bothered. You can just be yourself, have fun, dance and yell… no one will hear you. You are safe finally, because there is nobody able to reach you through this snow madness. You find a small hole in a window, small clear hole and watch this amazing dance. Time when snow is not bothered by gravity.

Not at all.

It is dropping levelly. Dancing, acting, maybe there is also some opera? Or just porn even… there is everything in those moves. Everything what I need. Although I am not good in flying, not at all!!!



I am one of those who totally do not get civilization. Maybe a dictionary could help me?

Which is: “human society with its well developed social organizations, or the culture and way of life of a society or country at a particular period in time:
Some people think that nuclear war would mean the end of civilization.
Cuzco was the center of one of the world’s most famous civilizations, that of the Incas.”


Okay… I get it, so my Bronze Age research really binds it up, but…

Why it is still complicated?

Well, see recently I was informed by some USA people that the whole world should be thankful to USA for civilization. Even colonies. And of course all those… bloody changed countries. And suddenly I got it, that nobody gets what civilization is. Most of people think it is Lady Gaga, and toilets, posh boots and fancy homes.


I mean REALLY?

I dare to say we are uncivilized. Totally. Social organizations and culture we have is in an atrophy. We do not evolve. We sit and in fact get really grounded. Some people still like to say, that WE did so much to those uncivilized, but conquest of other worlds is not “civilizationing” them. Destroying tribes and natives not either… this is called enslaving and destroying. In fact not caring about… others civilizations and culture. There is no only ONE civilization here. Why we can not just share and just live. Work and create and try to sleep every night calmly, with no doubts and wrong feelings, with no second thoughts. No guilt. Or maybe people nowadays do not even have conscience? Do not get it, that we share one Earth, which is crazy round and in fact if you poop I can smell it…

Still… civilization. How do you see it today? Or maybe we mix community, just a simple society with civilization?



It came…

It will be gone soon.

But it came…


See, there is something amazing when it comes to snow and me. Got no idea how to explain it, but I am waiting for it every year. I can not live without it. I just can not. And there is no explanation to it. Yup, I hate hot weather. In fact I just can not think around summer. It hurts me. Physically. Late spring is not good either. And hot autumn, although when it comes to autumn, I can somehow deal with it. But snow… snow is like a part of me always dancing there where it is always cold. Up there. In fact a part but made of millions of one and only pieces.


And when it comes, something refills in me. Completely. Finally… but I have no idea what is it. And no idea how it works, but works.


Life without snow is not for me… palm trees and hot beaches too.


Into the night

When it is so windy and the sea level is so high, I wanna… go out into this windy night. Snuggle in it, be a part of it. I just want to go there. Where I can here the waves… this constant sound, this amazing, rich, and deep sound.

I wanna go there!!!


But common sense tells me, I may not come back. So maybe later? Maybe I will choose a better time? Maybe I will just, wait for another occasion?

I still do not get this tickling need in me, which pushes me into the night, I still can not explain it, but I am fascinated by it. Enormously. Should I be scared? Maybe? Or maybe it is the thing I should do? Be under those primal feelings, atavistic, thoughts of the past, legend, myths…



Am I aware of…

I am aware that it looked weird to you, but, am I really?


Truly, this is fun for me.

Simple, weird, cold and refreshing.

I feel joyful, kiddo like style

Yes, it was me.

I was the one running on the wavy beach, through the waves hitting my knees. Yes, that was me. Yup… middle aged woman.

With a big blue, hairy bag.

Oh come on, I know it is winter, but I felt so free. And you know what, I really do not care what you thought of me. I really do not. Because if we are to live on this planet all together, I got to stick with you and you with me. And dancing with winter waves may look cold to you, but in fact, it is only refreshing.

And come on, we had sun up! LOL