… just lost.

I have no idea where I am now…

Really.

All I know… there is a huge wavy surface almost in front of me. I get the name of this place, but it is my first time, so I feel weird here and lost. It is not my path, not my beach, not even my sea…

I am not good in traveling. Okay, I am lousy in traveling. It is a pure nightmare, but then… there are all those places which I wanna touch all those graves, stones, monuments. All those dead people… Oh yes, maybe that is a reason?

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I sit here, on a huge pile of sand, in a lovely summer cottage and listen to the sea. Heavy rain just moved me from graves of unknown vikings back here and…

… I feel lost.

Season, also called summer here, has ended. Autumn is not even recognizable. The grey thingy here called the sky is so heavy and so near, that I could grab my spoon and eat it. Maybe I will try some?

Maybe?

Greetings from Igotnoideawhere!!! LOL

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Don’t teach me!

I mean really, just shut up.

If I wanna know something I will hit books, or ask master of this kind of knowledge, not you. Just don’t. Respect my will. Oh, of course I am old enough to know that whole life is a huge lesson. I am drinking from that fountain of knowledge, but there are also things I do not wanna know…

Why?

Because I wanna still believe in magic, and that people can be good. Yeah, I am that crazy. I can do so much, and I know so much, that… suddenly I am over, done disc is full! Most of knowledge you wanna put in me, most of those words is just… trash and bullshit. I believe in common sense. I have a working brain and books… but also, I do not wanna know how people create art because, I wanna believe it is magic. Yeah! That is so weird, right? Or maybe this is just simple and discovering stuff by myself is such freaking joy, that I wanna feel it?

How can it hurt you, how can it affect you?

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Nowadays everyone wanna teach me (in fact knowing nothing about me) about world, inform me about newest disasters… like I was a balloon ready to be stuffed with all those information… you know what balloons do – and sorry, but they scare me – they blow… Hate that sound.

We live in internet, in fact we are internet and somehow people are only ready to stuff others with the same bullshit about food, politics or disasters. And cats, yeah, I am not into cats either… But still… how it will help Italy that I will know how many people died? Did you even asked me if this information could hurt me? What if I say yes… what if my condition, this that I have no TV could be a little tip, would double, triple, and will put me under my blanket. Scarred to even breath?

And what about you? You live in USA or part of EU so far away from that amazing country… what will you do for Italy? Go there and help them? Will you? If not… stop it. You are creating some kind of misery around yourself, waiting for people telling you: oh, so sorry you feel that! Oh my, you are so fragile and sympathize for them. You are so good… Yeah, you are waiting for those words, don’t you? You do it to feel better. It is nasty! Maybe you will change your profile picture even… oh my, that is so posh!!! But did you know same happened in Burma too. Nope, really? Yeah, better to be hurt by something that did not even affected you, right? But you choose those disasters. Which one will look better on your profile picture?

I am enough!

Enough of this weird knowledge. I wanna know which herbs can help, how to fight cancer, how to live a good live, how to help, how to make someone smile… how to morn those who were close to me. I am working on symbolism of bronze age, but did you know that? Why you all are so ready to tell me – inform me in fact – about things I KNOW!!! Or are so obvious, that all I wanna is to scream… Why you all think you can be teachers? Why I can not just leave it… not think about it, why the fuck am I such an easy target?

My fault, right?

PS. Recently someone tried to teach me how rude I am, because I love winter. How not fair is it for everybody… WTF? How can you write to someone and tell him or her, that there is no reason to have… an opinion. Maybe because there is no freedom? No more?

Maybe?

No freedom to think?

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Two steps, one step…

Just a step, okay, maybe two steps to autumn! YAY!!!

I can not wait! Those colors, amazing feeling in the air, this aroma of leaves, apples and other fruits.

I can not wait.

Of course I love winter the most, but still… autumn is this amber light, all those colors, leaves, and mushrooms. Berries and feathers.

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I can not wait!!!

I sit on my doorstep and just wait. With my camera of course. I am ready… Come on!!! Okay, I need to pee, but I am ready and waiting! Wait, I forgot my camera, wait, do not come this moment, wait… LOL

Yup, this is me. Now. Because here this light, autumn in this barocco style is short. Too short, and I would be very disappointed if not caught it.

So… I am waiting. On my doorstep for you AUTUMN!!!

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Oh so tired…

I am so tired recently… so dead almost. Really. I feel like a one heavy object, who just feels so pissed off because she should be working, but is not, because has no energy and strength in her… but still got this impatient inside.

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Yeah, so complicated, right? I know there is that Full Moon and still hot, steamy summer, and I want autumn and winter to be closer and… Oh yes, try to live with me! Try to deal with me! I would love to kick my butt and just work, but I can not. And I am so lousy when it comes to resting, just lying on the floor, doing nothing.

What is wrong with me?!!! LOL

Why I can not be a sloth? I mean really? That seems to be so easy, and still… I can not! WTF?!!! I need it now!!! LOL

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Witchy tale

Once upon a time there was a small Witch. Maybe she was not so tiny in fact, but short really, and always looking at the ground… weird of course she was too. Because she was herself there was also a doctor. Not a magician, no way, but just a doctor. Not taking care, but always persuading her to take happy pills…

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Happy pills sucked! But she was a polite witch, so she was taking them. She knew he is a doctor, so he should know better… but really? But… Witch was growing up, and getting smarter. More than smarter. She finally figured out what is the reason of her sad moods and weird thoughts. What was all this fear coming from… and she decided it is better to remove this what was causing it, not taking pills all the time, because pills made her feeling artificial and fake. So she did it…

She run away into emptiness and it started to be better. But that doctor followed her… of course he was sure, that pills are better than a smart mind. Of course. But she did not listen him, not anymore. She just smiled and moved her hand and… suddenly there was one more frog in the pond… Because it is much better to remove the reason, than to be like all those sad people.

Short witch, whose name is Witch in fact, stated to feel much better with less humans around. Just because some people don’t need crowds. And maybe most of you do not get it, but not only other humans can make someone happy…

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The sea is…

Wet?

Wavy?

Or maybe just wild and dangerous? Colorful or maybe something secret, something… impossible even? Something giving, but always taking back too… or maybe something mythical?

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Or…

Okay, I get it, some people prefer mountains. I admire them, I get a bit scared by them. No idea why, but I do. Still, the sea is… different. Somehow it has mountains deep there, down there, it has meadows and streams, it has… everything. And it also… scares me. Because of all those possibilities. See, there can be everything, everything stunning and cute, but also scary and frightening. I have seen so many kinds of the sea. I mean really! Red one, light, white, grey and blue, greenish and turquoise. With stones and sand only… with shells and a bit more naked like, this hitting the boulders and this which just sings with stones. Small, colorful, amazing…

The sea… pure inspiration.

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In a bank

Sooo… I had to go to a bank few days ago and… I just had to, not that it was my dream or whatever. and there were people of course. In the woods there is much less people, I mean really, right? And I noticed, that I have lost my ability to stand them… humans. I do not wanna talk with them, they scare me so I just smile and try to slowly move, like from a naughty animal who just wanna eat your insides, and you really feel comfy with them, and do not want to be apart…

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I really admire artists and scientists able to be with people, to be really socialized. I can not. It is just totally impossible for me, and I am not sorry for it anymore. I use this word: “disabled”. Because I can. I did not do it for ages, like forever, but now I am learning to use it. Because people get only the phrase explaining myself when I use this word. Do I find myself disabled? Nope…

Not at all.

Do you know that my early years were based in a place filled with scientists and artists? They all were… weird. But not for me. For me they were normality. It was a huge shock to grow up and be informed, that they all were… sick. Oh well. Semantics! Get over it! There are people who do not feel okay with people…

Simple.

Nothing offending in it.

Just simple…

PS. In a bank they informed me, that I am too poor to have an account… okay…

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Windy…

Again!

Oh, how I missed that wind!!! Those flying pots and disability to stand up. I mean really. This is the Windy! This mighty and strong, but also putting everything together so easily. The one who mixes, and refreshes.

The Wind.

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Some people say just air… but on my Island there is so much more than just air. There are whispers, forgotten souls and sleeping gods in it! Do I exaggerate? Of course not!!! Just come here, and feel it… stories from the past, names which history did not feel okay to put into books. Everything is here in this wind.

Even when it only plays with my herbs, with old rose petals, with all my brushes and thoughts, and stories, still… there is something special in it. Even when my Husband is snotty, yup snotty in Summer, the cruelest thing ever existed… I can still be hugged by this Wind! LOL It is very special, I mean really!

It is.

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Dogs

I don’t get dogs.

I get cats, they needed slaves, and humans work perfectly as ones, so they did it, simple… but dogs?

Do not mind me wrong. I love them, I melt when they pass me, I always say hello, but I do not get them. They are cute, furry, so adorable, brave and trustful, but still… I do not get them!!! Really. I just do not. They got four paws, adorable wet noses and those eyes, which can melt your heart, but still…

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Why they hang with humans? Why?

How can they stand us? I mean really? Why they choose us?

I do know theories, as usual. Food, easier to get, easier to handle with, less fight, less wilderness. More girls, less competition.

But why?

They are so perfect, so sweet, and… and humans are not. Maybe this is the answer? The mighty one? Maybe?

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So boring…

I mean really! I am so boring. Nothing celebrity in me, nothing fancy… always doing the same stuff and okay with it. More… I hate complaining, and I love this kind of weather people call: nasty. See… I am so boring.

Married to one guy since dinos were here, no lovers… really! And living on a Smaller End of the World which is gorgeous, but also for most of you not fancy, no shops, no all that blink for sale. Sooo… boring.

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But still, there is nothing wrong in being boring, right? Boring is good! Boring helps my mental soul breath!!! LOL Boring is my shield! And when I do something what is not boring, well, it only marks the meaning of… being boring.

Boring clothes, boring paths, boring loving the blue all the time, boring food, because yes, I love salads, come one, I do! Boring, right? Maybe only my ears are not boring for some of you, I keep catching those looks… and then I remind myself about 26 earrings there. For me boring, but not for you?

I am so boring, that I do not even have a cat to blame him for everything… really! Did you noticed how cool now it is to say: I can not work because there is a cat on my laptop? I mean really! Take that furry ball and work! Be the alpha there! Or maybe it is all because of my boring mind, that I can not stand slowly working people. Everything got to be done now, and perfectly! NOW I said, now!!!

People do not expect boring people to be energetic… nope…

Boring… right? LOL

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