December

So snow…

I need snow.

A lot of snow. I mean every amount you can think of double it, triple it and just think three times about it. And add some more.

Snow.

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Hello December!!!

I love you.

You know that, and I know that for ages, so… make snow, frost, freezing cold, and piercing cold, snestorms and windy days and rime, and ice floes and ice bergs… And I need more frost and those lovely shapes on windows. I mean really, English works not good for my love of December. I need Finnish, I bet it could help, or Saami’s language or some words from Greenland and North Pole? Or North of Russia? You know, those places when it is never… warm.

I need more words for those amazing feelings. To describe icicles and icy pieces of everything. To fully paint out myself.

I love you December!

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One quiet wave

It came from this loud, wavy sea.

The dark blue one with willow green and malachite, and a bit turquoise… It came quickly, surprisingly quickly and all of sudden. From a normal, flat see, a place which should be safe for someone taking a photo of something…

It came…

And took myself with…

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Luckily for me only for a moment, and all I got wet were my ankles, knees and panties, but still. It reminded me, that not only this what is loud is dangerous. The quiet one is so much more to be looking at.

Or maybe…

Or maybe I should go with her. Yup, for me she was somehow feminine. And ready to put something funny on her Christmas Tree. Maybe I could be on a top of an underwater tree? Maybe? could be fun, right? It was just water, and I am water, I need water, can not live without it, and…

Or maybe that wave just wanted to play? Why I am so scared of everything? Is it just me being careful, or maybe too sustainable?

Maybe?

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Jul Jul Jul

Of course I started earlier…

Oh come on, only because I can, but now whole world finally got me. Green trees are around and lights. Not much, because in a windy place like my Island, well you got to stick those trees, and tide them up, and chain them…

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See, here Jul – Christmass is more like a pagan celebration. Looking around, and also reading some dissertations, I got it, when it comes to religion Danes are emotionless, neutral or even uncaring. But here, on this Island we all are pagans.

We are.

Still… we need trees, mistletoe and of course something red and green… and windy something too. Waves keep balance with blue color, so it is okay. But in fact… wee, not exactly, somehow even the blue is a bit julemassy!!! LOL And nope… this is not dirt or oil, or whatever… this is just the sky reflected, and boats, and some sun, and some waves and concrete…

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The most important thing now is… or are – julemarkets. People meet, bring handmade stuff and let me have my special time really original. Of course there got to be a gris, I mean a pig. Can be ceramic or stuffed, but must be. And hearts on the tree and flags… And everything handmade. Little robins, and mushrooms, and fluffy balls. Just because… And this year I got a little pine as a juletre. Of course in a pot… It will grow into an amazing tree… See, when I see all those trees, I wanna buy them all and put into the ground, and create more woods…

Adopt them, like others adopt cats. LOL

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Blue me softly…

Blue me hard.

Blue me dreamy and…

Oh my, just get it, I love blue… And a day before I found a piece of sky… a piece of sky fallen from above onto the end of some stony-concrete thingy, which keeps the harbor safe. And I fall in love. Because this is my fav shade ever!

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I mean EVER.

I have no idea why I am so into blue. Is it because it is so free, or maybe depressing for so many. Because we have so many colors around: happy red, gloomy grey, strong black, innocent white, yellow which is so joyful or orange.

So why blue? Not fresh green, not amazing pink or brown, so rich…

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I have spent few hours taking photos of that… well, piece of sky. In weird poses, which of course maybe few fishermen laugh. I mean really. They laughed so much looking at my butt up high, and knees shaking, that their orange boat was wobbling more than normally. I could hear them!!!

I was so fascinated with that blue, that I could just sink into it. Be a part of it, finally find true and full myself. A bit wet and cold, but still, okay. I heard nothing, saw nothing more or less. There was only that piece of blue… and bow my hurting knees.

PS. Wanted to give thumbs up for those two boats watching me… I have no idea how did you do this: laughed so much, but still stayed on a wavy surface. LOL

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There is always a choice…

Sooo…

I was reading a lot at night, so early morning caught me sleepy, gloomy and totally dead… Sorry, I love to work, read and write at night, when all I can hear is my Husband’s snoring. Somehow I feel safe then… of course until I also wanna go to sleep, then he starts to annoy me, but this is a married life, right? LOL

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So… I was dead, but I saw those colors on the sky, that amazing redness, pink flashes, metallic blue and orange coming so I had to get up and go out. I just had to. Sorry, but those photo had to be taken.

Just had to!

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Of course I had a choice… my warm, cozy bed.

My warm, cozy and so welcoming me, bed. Running to the beach i could feel all my night dreams holding tight to my head. They were pissed off, because there was no ending for them, like no orgasm at all, and cold, I can tell ya! I could hear them swearing and my dreams are usually naughty but nice. I mean their vocabulary is really calm and close to perfection…

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I took my dreams into a cold morning just to take few photos. To have few lessons about golden colors, amber like, blue and metallic grey and milky blue and orange and… so many more!!! I was dreaming about a moment like this… staying few hours in a cold, a bit windy, but not so, frosty, wet, muddy, and smelly surroundings. Yup, my dreams are weird. Those night dreams also.

I came back home cold, dirty and smelling like old seaweeds. But somehow richer… yeah, richer in that tone of mud stuck to my shoes and pants… well, if you see it in a larger picture sand is crystals, so… yeah…

That morning was awesome! LOL

PS. Although I must admit… now at 14:09 I am so dead!!!

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Just breath and fart!

I mean really… of course it is more okay when you do it in the woods, or just outside, than during some speech or maybe even an interview… But still, always remember to breath and fart. Yup.

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People often forget that eating healthy stuff like veggies and fruits make you farty. I mean really farty! Sooo… yeah, right.

See, people often forget about the simplest things, and about this, how happy those simple things make us. Breath in. Breath in this a bit chilly air, fill yourself with it, and then let it go. Great feeling, right? And farting… well, try to keep it in, do you know this pain? Awful, nasty pain? Oh yes, this is it. So fart. Am I metaphorical? Of course I am, as usual! Put different so called little actions under breathing and farting, and you will get it.

It is THAT easy.

You still on this farting thingy? Oh well, now you start to think that this may be a reason why I so love the outdoors? LOL Oh well… I am only a human being, or not. Still not so sure when it comes to this definition.

Just smile!

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Different darkness

Winter brings this different, special darkness to my Island. This makes all of us buying more candles and lights. But also this… that it is an island. You know, piece of land surrounded by waves, all wet and wavy sounds.

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Piece of land, where people live…

When it comes to fishermen, well, we do not have many of them. Not anymore. But this weird need to put lights into the windows still is present in all of us. For those coming back home, those who are abroad, those who are looking for something or someone… Especially this weird winter darkness, so much heavier, from one side letting us all go, giving permission to sleep longer, to just be lazy, is also the light covering my Island under soft, cozy blanket.

We love candles. I mean really, and I do not mean only during autumn and winter. This Island just needs fire, needs to be marked, or maybe is just an all year Christmas Tree and likes Her lights?

Maybe? But I must admit, I love this heavy darkness. It makes me finally feel well hidden and safe. Somehow light creates all those shadows, and fear seems to be much closer when it is bright, sunny and… happy. But I also love fire. There is a tiny pyromaniac inside of me. Trust me, he is there glad to see next wick and a box of matches.

PS. I bought some candles today… scented LOL

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When you say yes…

When you answer this weird call, when you figure out that the place you were born, or you live now, is not in fact your home… in fact never have been… You are unable to give it that amazing name. To feel it.

When you say yes to a change, when something else is calling you, and you touch it and it responds and melts you…

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Well, everything changes.

But it is better than saying: my life sucks, right? At least this is a decision. At least… you are doing something, looking for this natural part of yourself. Of course you get kicked, of course it is painful, of course it hurts. But when you decide to move into unknown, well, you got to expect it. Tears too.

But…

… after those years I must admit: it sucked but was worth of it. Pain and sadness is never a good thing and nope, you do not get smarter only because you are hurt, you just know all different kinds of pain. Nothing fancy. Some things, well, I knew it will be hurtful, but had to do it. It did not make me a fucking knight! Suffering ennobles?

The hell NO!!!

But still moving to this Island, is my everything.

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To swim or not to swim…

… there should be no question in fact, but…

When it comes to swimming in winter people look weirdly at me. Like at someone crazy… Okay, you are right, I am crazy, but there is nothing crazy in swimming when it is cold. People do it and find it really refreshing and good for health.

So… I wanna try!

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I really do!

I adore cold and frost. Snow is my best friend! And icicles… oh my… But still, never tried cold waves. Never by purpose of course. I got in few times by accident and it was cool. I mean really cool!

See my every shower ends with a cold splash. It makes me vibrant, and alive… I think, so winter swimming should be for me too. Of course not when it is crazy stormy, but with a regular sea, so full of minerals and all that stuff which rich ladies got in their beauty jars… it should work, right?

Oh come on, it got to be good, I danced half naked in a snestorm, I can do it!!!

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Fuck that moon!

I have never been a moon person. You know one of those stunned with that light, cold and zombie like frighting… Nope, never. Yup, I remember few times when I got totally crazy with a Full Moon, but usually The Moon Me is tired and pissed, crying and…

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And now that fucking SUPERMOON makes me delirious!

I normally am depressed, but now all I wanna do is to cut myself or burn myself, eat huge amount of easy “throwupable” food and just look into white, deep, ceramic abyss… or not to eat at all. Yes, all my nightmares are here, those belonging to the night and those dayliking… All my fears. Nothing helps. Meds are like freaking candies, nothing changes… my mind brings all those weird stories, memories, nothing in fact is going on, but my mind decided this what is not real, is now normality surrounding me.

People say it will be over in a few days, but how to survive that shit?

I know the Moon is awesome, got the whole reflecting story, astrology, astronomy… night and day… but really, all I wanna do now is to punch it and make it bleed! Or to break it… or to break anything. Yup, destroyed few things last day, but it did not help. And humans are not helping either. Got no idea why all those fears and anger people bring to the internet… so many quarrels, arguments…

I blame the Moon!!!

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