Calm down

Of course I do recommend nature to calm down.

But even there it may be tricky.

Very tricky.

I saw humans on bikes with phones in their hands. I mean WTF?!!! Not only stupidity and total danger for others but also… why?

What was so important to put your life at risk?

Why don’t you just stop, take that call, write that message and then turn the phone off!? Why?

I mean really.

As someone who has no TV no phone tell me, what is your answer. Why you can turn off yourself even on a bike in amazing wilderness or, worst, on a road!!! When all you should do is watch the road, cars etc.

I mean…

Sooo… when people say that they go outside into the nature to calm down I am like: really? And what are you taking with you? A camera? Something to record birds singing? Bird watcher stuff or…

… internet?

It is not calming down!

Never. Although when I see – more listen too – all those youtubers only buying stuff I never knew existed… it is somehow washing me inside. Makes me… bored and in fact I sooo… turn off.

But to CALM DOWN… oh I so hate this phrase still.

Especially when I am having a panic attack…

Calm down, like I knew how to do it!

Do not treat me like a stupid babe… I do not know how to do it. I never knew. I need a pill, some time and then…

Yeah, figuring out how to at least reduce this need to calm down. How to find a place where people are not so common.

Because when it comes to me fear is always bonded strongly with those alive.

Somehow dead people are so much more interesting and… no fear included. But hey, I am an archeologist! I do it! And if you wanna check what is going on on my island from this side check the Facebook Page for our newest research. Gold included! If you are into Iron Age especially, bit too fresh for me LOL still…

Just stunning pieces of guldgubber!

Really made of gold. LOL

I will stay in my zone of stone carvings. They make me calm… LOL

It’s not like…

It’s not like you have to…

I mean really.

You do not have to love sunsets and sunrises. I am in fact not the biggest fun of the whole “golden hour”. No idea why…

I prefer things mysterious and foggy…


Yeah. Sometimes it just happens. I wake up crazy early, dress up or not, Come on, I have beach like just a minutes from my cottage, sooo…

And after the season, when there are only people who do not care what they were and others wear… you know, the tourists can be a bit surprised if they recognize you are in pajamas… still…

The fashion is so fluid. Come on!

Sooo… I am there, early, even people with dogs are still sleeping! Come on! And it is cold and windy and… how crazy can I be?

Or obsessed?

See. The thing is I love taking photos. I turn off myself when I work. Completely. I need other sounds to mix with those in my head so I often have some TV series on DVD, well known, on. But when outside…

All I need is silence.

The nature’s way…

And I can be there for hours.

Just in one position, this is why I now got to cure my arm, but… still! I have to…

I have to take photos. If it is no photos zone, I am so not going!!!


How weird is that?

I do not care, because I can swim in amber… not in blue, come on, it was still winter… and I was not in a mood.

But this amber light… so yummy… now I am hungry!!! LOL t.b.c.


There is so many of them. Stories, which are talking about the sky falling, Sun, Moon touching the sky. There are even myths which bind them together still… do not let them be in fact close.

Too close.

Especially around a sunrise you can easily see where it came from.

Looking up and then down…

And being amazed by thhose mirror like expression.

And stones, or maybe ancient beings which decided to sleep until… until it gets better. Whatever that “it” is.


And this amazing amber shade… oh my, imagine a clothing line inspired by those…

And this discrete blue lines…

And this iron like one…

Like blood of ancient warriors which is exploring another dimensions…

Like… okay, I have those stories in me for sure, but only such sunrise can wake them up and bring back… only.

A moment… only for me. Maybe something what only I can see and decipher?



I get obsessed really easily.

By light, plant, colors which suddenly appear in places where I was not expecting them.

So easily.

One of my obsession is this plant.

Yes, it is a seasonal obsession, but very strong. Trust me… really strong.

I can stand by these few bushes and just watch them.

Look, touch, cuddle…

I think it is all because of those feather like leftovers which play with the light in a very unique way.

Shapes, colors… warmth even if the weather is so cold.

And them. Yeah, so… unusual.

Sexual even? Or sensual?

And those knots.

Tied and untied.

I mean…

Okay, this plant is just fun, pure art changing with season. Amazing piece to watch, learn how it is okay to change or… just a plant, which is always good, because we all like to breath, right?

In and out…

It was winter…

I mean really it was!

Here winter can be so misleading. Warm, no snow…

When my heart is like: give me reindeer, give me icebergs!!!

But, this is what I have.

So I play with it. And by the way the crystal piece is by Mariaela!

I play with what I have.

Yeah, I am so easy to be pleased. LOL

The truth is… I am always so beyond the Moon when I get letters and postcards. And people so often tell me I am such an easy being to be gifted…

… always grateful.

Well, poor people are always grateful.

We do not have much.

Although, wait… there is something what I have a lot… photos. You can buy and print them as you want it and paintings which are finally in this album, on sale!!! 

Please, buy them, I need food.

Yup… I have tones of photos.

Photos in which I see so much more than others.

Stories… oh my, those dragons and fairies.

Princesses so not like others.

In fact wanting a prince but not truly being sure if they want crowns too… those who wanna stay in cottages but guys want power, crowns, sooo…

Yeah, end of love…

Stories… another something I have a lot.

A lot in me.

In fact I am the only one person which can make me smile, laugh and entertain fully. Weird, right? LOL Do not tell my Husband!!! LOL

When you want…

When you really want.

When there is this a bit itching desire in you… a dream…

It is so painful sometimes to achieve what you have visioned… and sometimes it just happens.

And sometimes you fall.

And there is nothing.

Life is tough.

And it need changes. Evolving. Destroying and creating in one time. Burning and blending. Annoying… no peace and quiet, right?


And sometimes it is all about erosion.

And it is frustrating but also so intimidating so addicting.

Soooo… beautiful.

So surprising sometimes.

And on my island you can watch it in one place… I mean it happens everywhere but only soft rocks let us see it… in fact see time. Tides changing the coast.

Or a big tooth?

I mean really? Is it? Some dragon’s one? Did people of GOT lost one? Hello?!!! If so, it is there, down there!!! LOL No cavity!

And this blue… okay, I am an addict.

And hairy rocks, or sleeping trolls.

You choose.

We need it wild…

People are so scared of wild, of unknown, discovering… learning… that they wanna made everything of concrete and fake grass.

Somehow plastic became much more friendly than woodlands.

Oh yes, I know the whole ticks thing. Yes it can be dangerous, still, plastic is not an answer. An answer is watching, learning and understanding.

And being ready for new.

New sucks often and is scary, but it exists. Is… normal.

So normal, than almost boring.

The sea?

It is never boring.

It is always… entertaining.

You can go deeper, you can go above it, you can also play only with a surface, or wet spots it left…


Although, if you feel it is watching you, wants something… be aware. It will get it.

Always… and it will be real.

And natural.


Yes… I live in a beautiful place.

I fought for it! I am in fact fighting every day. Still.

It has not cured my depression or anxiety, has not changed me into a peoples person. No way…

In fact, I am now much more often scared of a human contact.

I am scared of so called civilization.

I prefer woods. If we have to travel, we choose an island, with an empty hotel! LOL

I am an addict. My island made me one. Can not live without waves, sea and all those colors. Changes.


But yes, I live in a beautiful place. But it does not mean that everything is happy, okay, and I am a fucking, jumping and singing since 5 a.m. Who the heck does that shit? Weirdos, right? Oh wait…

I am one.

A special one.


Between the shades, trees, colors… hiding from humanity.

Yup, for a psychiatric I am a perfect example of Asperger, autistic being. For myself I am only me, who in fact, except pain and pain and pain… does not wanna change. World can deal without my presence. I can not deal without creating, overthinking. Without my archeological project, photos and paintings.


For the world yes, I am a poor disabled person. Who sees the world maybe not as it is. Or maybe you all are wrong?

Before and after?

It is like… before spring the sea got to have fun!

Got to work something out.

Get free.

I mean, really.

Like teenagers… like they were also growing up and every year facing same fears and hormones? Do waves have them?

OMMI I am so over everything when it comes to metaphors and fairy tale writing like. LOL Truly!!!

But on the beach…

It just happens.

Or maybe is easier because you are on this border, where is everything. The waves, sand, soil, grass, stones, sky, sun… wind…

And those colors.

That blue and jade…

OMMI they are so structural.

So perfect.


Not just power, splash and splosh…

Everything combined.

Before and after. Like there was no now…

Like now… was just a moment so unimportant.

Everything is in those tiny pieces.

Done and not even started.

Everything… and then… comes blue… t.b.c.

And more waves…

Oh come it!

Such tide, huge waves from this side with a sunny moment happens… very rare. To be honest, very.

So I had to stay.

And take a photo, then another, then just watch…

This energy.

This power.

Or powers?

And shapes, cathedrals of waters!

With all those colors.

With this beauty. Maybe still scary, but in fact, truly stunning.

Truly full, finally.

Okay, of course it was freaking cold! Come on! That wind was touching places which I thought none could touch!


And then I looked at those ducks so hesitating to get into…

So… like, oh well, it is too cold.

No way!

We are staying here.

Oh look at that stupid human!

Theses are weirdos and can not fly. Do they have feathers?


Naked! Weird naked humans! LOL